Emotional Hijacking
Notes
Emotional hijacking is when we enter a mental state of chaos and complete lack of Self-control. We are in the hands of our System 1, and incapable of any higher thinking Second order thinking. We are guided by Instincts, acting in a way that we might Regret later on.
Hijacking happens to all of us, but especially to children. The less Emotional Resilience we have, the more likely we are to get hijacked. Often tantrums stem from being overwhelmed with feelings that might not be related to the incident at all. For example, a possessive child doesn't really care about the toys. A common reason is a big change in life. Perhaps moving to a different place, having a sibling on the way, starting kindergarten. These changes cause them to be overwhelmed with emotions, and they try to find a way to vent. That's why trying to rationality explain to them what they do wrong won't help because they are not in a rational state.
We need to allow them to vent. Not hurt others, we will stop them from doing that, but it's okay for them to be mad or frustrated Validation. They need our limits which will serve as something to lean on, that will make sure they won't cross a line while loosing control parental rules.
What they don't need is our Judgment. To be mad at them, for accusing or judging them for the "bad" that they are doing will only increase their feelings of stress and frustration. We need to be there. Strong, unrattled, to listen and let them vent in a safe environment.
Don't try to stop them from crying or lashing out, don't try to teach them reason. Acknowledge their feelings, be there with them. Be calm and unrattled.
Similarly, and it's true for adults as well, that taking a Break can help us maintain our emotional stability and avoid hijacking or weakening it once it happens. Most emotions pass quickly, in a minute or two, so if we just let them be, not suppressing them but also not giving them too much power over us or letting them define us, we could overcome it.
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Overview
🔼Topic:: Emotions (MOC) 🔼Topic:: Parenting (MOC) ↩️Origin:: unruffled 🔗Link:: source source