You Are Awesome
🔗Connect
🔼Topic:: Mindset (MOC)
✒️ Note-Making
💡Clarify
🔈 Summary of main ideas
- Add a dot dot dot - You decide when the story ends. Every bad statement about yourself can be converted with the word "yet". "I didn't get the job I want... yet"
- Shift the spotlight - failures don't shine a spotlight on you or who you are, they shine on what you can do better.
- See it as a step - Every failure is part of our way to be a better person, to fulfill our hopes. No one knows how the road looks in advance, but we know that each step, even the hard ones, advance us towards our goal.
- Tell yourself a different story - Judgment is a matter of perspective, and by choosing a more kind narrative, we can see things more clearly and avoid self destructive behavior.
- Lose more to win more - Pain is a necessary part of growth, you can't grow without it
- Reveal to heal - don't carry the burden alone, share it with others.
- Find small ponds - Greatest way to combine wellbeing with success is to start at small easy places where you can shine.
- Go untouchable - have moments of complete uninterrupted work, no meetings, distractions or notification
- Never never stop - Don't let anything stop you on your way to self fulfillment.
🗒️Relate
⛓ Life lessons, action items
🔍Critique
✅ by following this method, what will happen?
❌ the logical jumps, holes or simply cases where it is wrong...
🧱 Implementations and limitations of it are...
🗨️Review
💭 my opinions on the book, the writers style... The book has little content or depth, mostly a focus on his personal story, with only a sentence of how it can relate to others.
📒 Notes
You Need to Be More Resilient
Resilience is knowing how to get back up after facing obstacles, it is to remember that any obstacle just shows you where you are now, not who you are or where you could go.
- every skyrocketing pleasure or stomach-churning defeat defines not who he is but simply where he is. (Location 87)
Add a Dot-dot-dot
When we feel defeat, facing an obstacle that seems to have crushed us with no option for victory, we have to remember that this is not the end of the story. We add a "dot dot dot" and the word "yet". Like "I didn't get into Harvard ... Yet", "I didn't pass the course ... Yet". This turns the obstacle from something definitive to a temporal statement, one that gives motivation for overcoming it and believing a better future optimism.
- Everything you do, every path you take, every diagnosis you get, every wall you hit, every setback, every failure, every rejection. All of these experiences are part of the unfinished sentence of your life story. Sometimes the best thing you can do is learn to add that dot-dot-dot… and keep going. (Location 193)
- “Yet” is the magic word to add to any sentence that we begin with “I can’t,” “I’m not,” or “I don’t.” (Location 279)
Shift the Spotlight
We let failure own us, we get lost in negative feeling and self criticism. We feel as each time we are making a mistake, a huge spotlight is on us and that makes us feel embarrassed and anxious. However this is only The Spotlight Effect. People are not as concentrated about us as we think. This allows for space for us to breath, take a brake, and distance ourselves from our mistakes. Not to ignore those or to shift the blame, but to allow ourselves to take responsibility on the one hand, but also see the failure as something we can work with, not as a permanent stain on ourselves.
See it as a step
We don't expect to change in the long run, despite knowing that we have changed so much when looking back, we think that we are the "finished version" right now. This bias denies the fact that we are always on a path to a better us, we just don't know which road will take us there. One way of overcoming a disaster is to see it as one more step on that road. Looking back, we can see how some of the challenges we faced brought us to a better situation or made us better people, like a devastating breakup that allowed you to switch from a hopeless relationship to the person of your dreams. Sure, no one wants to suffer, but it doesn't mean that there aren't any benefits to that. creative destruction
- inevitably everything we go through in life really is a step to help us get to a better place. (Location 682)
Tell Yourself a Different Story
Much of how we feel, especially moments of shame and depression is not a cause of what happened, but rather how we view the situation, the Narratives we tell ourselves. Do we blame ourselves or find a story that allows for more Self-compassion?
Instead of letting this moment destroy who we are, we need to find a way to merge it together with our identity in a healthy way Coherentism
When we are at a low point, we can ask ourselves:
- Will it matter in my deathbed?
- Can I do something about it?
Those two questions often give us enough space to zoom out and gain a good perspective, either releasing us from the guilt, or shaping a path for us to follow instead of drowning in misery. For us to follow instead of drowning in misery.
- you wouldn’t focus on how others see you unless you were already projecting some self-doubt and insecurities in the first place. (Location 982)
- “Your problem is not the outside world. Your problem is the story you’re telling yourself about the outside world. And that story is a choice. If you’re not happy with the story, tell yourself another story. Period. (Location 997)
Lose More to Win More
Nobody gets it right the first time first batch trash. Some things takes time, but mostly failures. We have to fail to get where we want to go, because we won't know what will be a failure or a success before we try it, so we have to keep on trying Experimentation. We should love failures, have a dedicated budget to test things out guilt free. Remember that growth is painful but it's a necessary part of it.
Reveal to Heal
We all carry secrets and anxiety within us that eats us because we lock it in, afraid to let anyone else know. To heal, we have to reveal. Optimally, we reveal to someone else, like a therapist or a stranger if we're afraid of it affecting our relationships, but alternatively we can also reveal to ourselves, by asking ourselves "I will let go of ..." Like "I will let go of feeling like an imposter at work".
Find Small Ponds
We all need to be the big fish in a small pond, it lets ourselves stand out relatively easy while improving our self confidence small wins.
- laughed.“You’ll be fine. It’s simple economics. There are far more problems and opportunities in the world than there are talented and hard-working people to solve them. (Location 1668)
Go Untouchable
In today's world we are more focused on productivity than ever, we can't let a single moment go to waste, drowning in the hustle culture. This attention split to do everything is damaging because Multitasking doesnt exist, it hurts our focus and paradoxically our productivity too.
That's why we need untouchable days, moments of deep work where we focus only on the task ahead, no meetings, no phones or notification.
Never Never Stop
Don't let nothing get in your way.