Triggers

🔗Connect

🔼Topic:: Change (MOC)

✒️ Note-Making

💡Clarify

🔈 Summary of main ideas

1. A trigger is both environment, person, and behavior - we are highly affected by our environment, and there are many possible things that triggers a certain behavior within you, it could be the culture of the place, the people you interact with, and even certain phrases, like a triggering word.
2. You are also a trigger - once you take control of your life and work towards the person you want to be, you can become a role model, a trigger, for others to behave better
3. Change is never an isolated issue - to change ourselves means to change how we interact with the world, and specifically with those around us, so they should become a part of the process.
4. Try to do your best - to change, one needs both awareness of what to change, and the engagement of doing what it takes, doing the best you can. To do so, ask yourself daily questions which starts with "did I do my best to..."
5. Environment is a two way conversation - since the environment is also human, we can't control it and expect it to be stable over time, meaning that it constantly changes, so habits can't be a solution, we rather need an adaptable approach of noticing triggers and use the space between trigger and action to respond well to the situation

🗒️Relate

⛓ Life lessons, action items I should judge myself not by factual status, but rather by did I do my best. For example, not the objective nutrition quality of what I ate, but rather did I eat the healthiest food I could find (like trying to eat vegetables in the army)

🔍Critique

✅ by following this method, what will happen?

❌ the logical jumps, holes or simply cases where it is wrong...

🧱 Implementations and limitations of it are... He describes the "situational leadership" model but it's very unclear how to use it, and even don't reference the specific strategies described there

🗨️Review

💭 my opinions on the book, the writers style... In general, the book is a collection of quick simple models he uses in his coaching to help his clients change, but a lack of theme is visible. Models aren't used from one chapter to the next, and part 2 seems unrelated to the first, and to change in general.

Perhaps in his coaching he expects inputs from his clients to build a process, and here we see only a partial, shallow one sided conversation.

He talks religiously about how the environment controls us, but the entire second section just says "try harder", instead of adapting the environment, and later says that we often blame the environment for not succeeding in changing, which is counterintuitive to the main point of the book.

📒 Notes

Introduction

The most impactful aspect of our behavior is the triggers Cue that influence us to behave in a specific way. The smell of food makes us hungry, seeing people run makes us impatient. Therefore Environmental design is the most important thing we can do to change our behavior and be the person we want to become.

But most often we feel helplessness, either unable to change the environment, or realizing too late the effect it had on us, spending years following bad behavior patterns, causing us to feel Regret.

Regret is not a feeling we should avoid, we should embrace it, use it as fuel for motivation emotional aikido, to drive us to change the environment in our favor.

Why Don't We Become the Person We want to Be

The Immutable Truth of Behavioral Changes

Change is hard, for several reasons:

1. We are not always aware or can admit that we need to change
2. We ignore the power of inertia momentum over us
3. We don't know how to start changing free will is knowledge

The first point is the most important one. Either due to addiction or path dependence, we fail to acknowledge our need to change. When considering that change is not just about you, but also your close environment that would be affected by it, like friends and family, wanting to change and involving them both in the process and in the outcomes is unsurprisingly hard.

Belief Triggers that Stop Behavioral Change in It's Tracks

There are several types of beliefs, or internal ways of thinking the prevent us from actualizing a desire for change, these are:

1. Insight Gap - knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things
2. Willpower gap - our willpower level when we decide to change is always higher than the actual willpower level when trying to change.
3. Special excuses - we search for reasons why "today specifically" we shouldn't do the habit, because today we are tired, today's our birthday, etc. this hurts momentum.
4. Moral Licensing - we compare ourselves to an easy alternative, which "permits" us to fail this time
5. I don't need help - we think we can do everything ourselves with no help from others or need to follow instructions 
6. I will not waiver - we forget that willpower is limited, and our energy decreases over time
7. There's always tomorrow - we procrastinate our dreams further and further into the future as if we have all the time in the world
8. We don't plan for distractions - we think we will constantly be focused, and that everything will be according to plan planning fallacy
9. Epiphanies are strong motivators - we think that having a "eureka" moment is enough for change 
10. Change is a one time investment - we forget that change also has to be maintained, like staying in shape
11. There will be no new problems - we think that no new problems will arise from our change
12. We will be rewarded - we expect external rewards rather than be satisfied internally from having changes 
13. No one will notice the difference - we think no one cares if we change, well, they do
14. Change is inauthentic - we have a fixed mindset, rather than accepting that identity changes over time
15. I have self awareness - we believe that we don't fall to overconfidence 

It's the Environment

Our behavior affected by the environment in more ways than we think, and it's often in harmful ways. This includes both the physical environment context, like how the place is built , which features it includes, but also the social environment, meaning how others expect us to behave in those situations, and the actual behavior of the people around us. Even a certain person can trigger us to behave in a certain way.

Even if we are aware of it's power, we are powerless to stop it, stuck in inertia. We end up having several "roles" we fill based on the environment we are in. From the hardworking employee, to the caring parents, to the obnoxious speaker at a meeting 

Identifying Our Triggers

Our environment is an endless feedback loop. A feedback loop is:

1. Evidence - what has happened 
2. Relevance - why does it matter 
3. Consequences - what will happen if I continue to act this way
4. Action - I choose to readjust my behavior.

Since the environment (and us) are constantly changing, this changes the feedback loop as well. Having the right feedback is essential to creating a cascading effect to change the environment itself.

Which kinds of triggers are there:

1. Direct/indirect - seeing someone smile and smile back (direct), vs something that reminds you of past events
2. Internal/external - the environment itself vs internal expectations
3. Conscious/unconscious 
4. Anticipated/unexpected 
5. Encouraging/discouraging 
6. Productive/unproductive - does this trigger helps us become who we want to be or pushes us further away

The most important are points 5-6, which behavior does it encourage and is it productive. (Add as drawing to cue note)

We can make four quadrants:

1. want and need - activities that advance us towards our goal, like temptation bundling.
2. Want and don't need - temptations and distractions
3. Don't want and need - rules and guidelines to keep our behavior in check, like speed limits. 
4. Don't need or want - toxic environments 

Analyze the triggers in your life. Do you have enough productive triggers (both encouraging and discouraging) to push you towards your goals? Which unproductive triggers are holding you back?

How Triggers Work

Contrary to The habit loop, the line between cue and response is not direct, it passes through some small points in between that can happen in the blink of an eye, seeming as if they don't exist at all, but these are:

1. Impulse - what the cue pushes us to do
2. Awareness - we become aware of our desire and it's source
3. Choice - we make a conscious choice what we want to do

It's this bridge, this reminder that we always have the Freedom of response that helps us escape bad triggers. Not habits, but rather adaptability, to adjust ourselves to the situation. This is critical since in most cases we won't be able to predict the trigger. It could be a person, something someone said. Human interaction makes triggers problematic. It's not always as simple as "hiding the food in your fridge", where you have complete knowledge and control over the triggers in your environment.

We Are Superior Planners and Inferior Doers

We each have inside of us a planner and a doer Elephant and the Rider, and while we feel they are one and the same, they are most often not, especially as the day goes by and the energy dwindles. We naively believe we can just simple "delegate" a task to ourselves, to tell ourselves to do it and we will follow through. However, as any leader knows, it's not always the correct approach.

We should use "situational leadership" when managing ourselves too. In each situation, we need to assess the need, and match the type of strategy used.

There are four possible options:

1. Directing - a micromanagement type of attitude, dictating exactly what we want to happen, and how. This is a one-way conversation 
2. Coaching - the leader provides the goals and method of reaching it, and the doer provides his inputs/feedback 
3. Supporting - a more conversational approach, the leader provides the goal, and the doer provides the "how", and the two discuss what's best 
4. Delegating - the leader says what has to be done, and they have full confidence that the doer will get it done the best way possible 

Sometimes we need a more supportive style, setting reminders, creating detailed plans and tips on how to follow through, rather than just hoping we will remember to do it.

Forecasting the Environment

When we are about to enter a new environment, we should:

1. Anticipate - understand how that environment is structured, what it's likely effects be
2. Avoid - if possible, avoid or change that environment in your favor 
3. Adjust - if it's not possible to change the environment, make yourself ready as much as possible. Don't let it affect you

The Wheel of Change

Before we can start changing, we need to understand how to change. A useful model is the wheel of change

Part 2 - Try

The Power of Active Questions

Passive questions like "how was your day" are bad at creating engagement. Instead, replace it with active questions like "did you do your best to be happy?" These promote responsibility and accountability. Periodical Review

The Engaging Questions

The most engaging goals are those who start with "did I do my best to...", while it raises the bar (doing your best is "better" prevents you from doing the smallest thing possible), and it also combines the idea of trying and control. Doing your best to eat well is what counts, even if you are forced to be in a place that sells only junk food. In those cases you will score high on trying, instead of beating yourself up when you didn't have any alternative.

Asking yourself these questions on a daily basis creates accountability and forces you to be honest. Seeing a low streak can be a wake up call and motivate you to act.

Daily Questions in Action

The advantages of daily questions:

1. Create intrinsic motivation 
2. A form of Commitment Devices
3. Increase self discipline 
4. Makes us focus on the process, not the goal trust the process

Planner, Doer and Coach

A coach is someone that can help us bridge the gap between a planner and a doer. Someone to hold us accountable. While it is possible for you to be your own coach, it's very hard to implement.

It's usually helpful for someone from the outside to be an unbiased observer on your progress and would be able to ask you the tough questions.

AIWATT

When in doubt, ask yourself the guiding question: Am I willing to invest at the time effort to make a positive progress at this topic 

This focuses us on what we can do to improve ourselves and others for the better while remembering that things might change, or outside our control 

More Structure Please

We Do not Get Better without Structure

Thinking we can just change out of the blue is wishful thinking, we need a structure, a plan to follow that will make sure we don't deviate.

But it Has to Be the Right Structure

You must match the structure, which is the type of questions asked to the situation and people involved.

Behaving under the Influence of Depletion

Willpower is limited, we get choice fatigued as time passes, which is why we often fail to follow our plans after coming back from work. The advantage of having a structure is that you have to make fewer choices, the environment makes them for you.

We Need Help when We're Least Likely to Get it

It is precisely in those moments where we need the guiding questions the most that we often fail to use them, when the environment is triggering us to be a worse version of ourselves.

Hourly Questions

When we need a quick spike of discipline, we can ask ourselves on an hourly basis rather than daily to make sure we stay on track 

The Trouble with "good enough"

While perfectionism isn't something we should strive for, we often let ourselves off the hook by doing a "good enough" job, without even trying to be better, without noticing the damage we cause by being enablers for our mediocre behavior.

Becoming the Trigger

When we commit ourselves for change, when we notify others of our plans, we become an irresistible force of change, that affects not only us but others as well, we become their trigger, their role model.

No Regrets

The Circle of Engagement

To change is not only to adhear to cultural norms, like not smoking or doing exercises, it's to become the person you want to be, one that affects others for the better. With awareness, engagement and clear goals, we can become better.

When we change, others react to the change, which causes a new set of triggers for us, creating a virtuous cycle.

The Danger of Living a Changeless Life

Highlights

• A trigger is any stimulus that reshapes our thoughts and actions. In every waking hour we are being triggered by people, events, and circumstances that have the potential to change us. (Location 245)
• Fate is the hand of cards we’ve been dealt. Choice is how we play the hand. (Location 261)
• I want to suggest a different attitude, namely embracing regret (although not too tightly or for too long). The pain that comes with regret should be mandatory, not something to be shooed away like an annoying pet. When we make bad choices and fail ourselves or hurt the people we love, we should feel pain. That pain can be motivating and in the best sense, triggering—a reminder that maybe we messed up but we can do better. (Location 297)
• It’s hard to initiate behavioral change, even harder to stay the course, hardest of all to make the change stick. (Location 318)
• Change has to come from within. It can’t be dictated, (Location 365)
• Achieving meaningful and lasting change may be simple—simpler than we imagine. But simple is far from easy. (Location 407)
• An excuse explains why we fell short of expectations after the fact. Our inner beliefs trigger failure before it happens. They sabotage lasting change by canceling its possibility. We employ these beliefs as articles of faith to justify our inaction and then wish away the result. (Location 439)
• there’s a difference between understanding and doing. Just because people understand what to do doesn’t ensure that they will actually do it. (Location 448)
• the willpower we assume when we set a goal rarely measures up to the willpower we display in achieving that goal. (Location 460)
• 1. our contempt for simplicity (only complexity is worthy of our attention); 2) our contempt for instruction and follow-up; and 3) our faith, however unfounded, that we can succeed all by ourselves. In combination these three trigger an unappealing exceptionalism in us. When we presume that we are better than people who need structure and guidance, we lack one of the most crucial ingredients for change: humility. (Location 480)
• We seldom recognize that self-control is a limited resource. (Location 487)
• Getting better is its own reward. If we do that, we can never feel cheated. (Location 546)
• We can change not only our behavior but how we define ourselves. When we put ourselves in a box marked “That’s not me,” we ensure that we’ll never get out of it. (Location 556)
• Our environment is a nonstop triggering mechanism whose impact on our behavior is too significant to be ignored. (Location 597)
• Every time we enter a new situation, with its mutating who-what-when-where-and-why specifics, we are surrendering ourselves to a new environment—and putting our goals, our plans, our behavioral integrity at risk. It’s a simple dynamic: a changing environment changes us. (Location 689)
• If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us. And the result turns us into someone we do not recognize. (Location 742)
• Feedback—both the act of giving it and taking it—is our first step in becoming smarter, more mindful about the connection between our environment and our behavior. (Location 761)
• With people in the mix, mere habit can’t guide our behavior. We must be adaptable, not habitual—because the stakes are so much higher. (Location 962)
• The more aware we are, the less likely any trigger, even in the most mundane circumstances, will prompt hasty unthinking behavior that leads to undesirable consequences. (Location 990)
• Forecasting is what we must do after acknowledging the environment’s power over us. It comprises three interconnected stages: anticipation, avoidance, and adjustment. (Location 1179)
• When our performance has clear and immediate consequences, we rise to the occasion. We create our environment. We don’t let it re-create us. (Location 1193)
• To avoid undesirable behavior, avoid the environments where it is most likely to occur. (Location 1267)
• We always have a chance to create better behavior in ourselves—how we treat people, how we respond to our environment, what we permit to trigger our next action. All we need is the impulse to imagine a different us. (Location 1363)
• When asked exclusively, passive questions can be the natural enemy of taking personal responsibility and demonstrating accountability. (Location 1536)
• With no available scapegoat, we can’t get upset. We make peace with the fact that our misfortune was the result of fate or bad luck. (Location 2157)
• When we dive all the way into adult behavioral change—with 100 percent focus and energy—we become an irresistible force rather than the proverbial immovable object. We begin to change our environment rather than be changed by it. The people around us sense this. We have become the trigger. (Location 2944)
• Honestly assessing the interplay in our lives between these two forces—the environment and ourselves—is how we become the person we want to be. (Location 3022)
• This is the reciprocal miracle that appears when we are aware and engaged. We recognize a trigger for what it really is and respond wisely and appropriately. Our behavior creates a trigger that itself generates more appropriate behavior from the other person. (Location 3074)