The Five Resets

✒️ Note-Making

🔗Connect

⬆️Topic:: stress

💡Clarify

🔈 Summary of main ideas

1. Hear the canary cry - We often ignore the signals our body is sending us saying we are breaking apart due to too much stress. Even when we do notice it, we dismiss it because we believe stress is a burden to carry, part of the cost we have to pay to reach the top. Instead we should see it as it is, a sign of danger that requires changing course.
2. Follow the rule of two - Change is hard and takes time. Instead of trying to change your life completely in an instant, make two small changes, and follow up every 4 weeks. Once you feel these two changes are now a natural part of your life, make two additional changes.
3. Get clear on what matters most - Find a small goal that motivates you and that can be easily measured
4. Find quiet in a noisy world - Reduce screen time and prioritize sleep
5. Sync your brain and your body - Exercise, meditate, do breathing exercises, and have a healthy diet to improve both your body and your mind
6. Come up for air - Focus on one thing at a time, and use rituals to shift your mindset into work/focus/rest/social mode.
7. Bring your best self forward - Silence your inner critic by using expressive writing and self affirmation.

🗒️Relate

⛓ by following this method, what will happen? What is the goal of this book? I would better manage my stress, notice when it gets too much and be able to make changes to reduce it back to normal ranges.

🔍Critique

✅ relevant research, metaphors or examples that helps to convey the argument

❌ the logical jumps, holes or simply cases where it is wrong...

🧱 Implementations and limitations of it are...

🗨️Review

💭 my opinions on the book, the writers style... This book is "shallow", tailored for people who don't have time or energy for a deep dive and look for a simple solution for their stress.

Most of the book is repetitive in structure. There's a long description of a conversation with a patient, then the lessons behind it, and finally how to implement it. In theory it sounds good but in reality you get the point by page 1.

Also there's something off putting when all the stories is based on their patients, it seems ego centric and anecdotical.

✅Act

📋What should I do to achieve the goals set out by this book?

1. Apply the Rule of Two – Limit yourself to making no more than two meaningful lifestyle changes at a time to allow your brain to adjust and ensure the habits stick.
2. Run a MOST Goal Framework – Define goals that are Motivating, Objective, Small, and Timely, then use "backwards planning" to map out the specific steps from the goal to your current state.
3. Engage in a Hidden Treasure – Identify a joyful activity that makes you feel alive and dedicate at least ten minutes daily to practicing it.
4. Establish Smartphone Boundaries – Set specific time limits for usage, designate phone-free zones like the bedroom, and remove apps or notifications to create logistical barriers to access.
5. Optimize Sleep Hygiene – Aim for 7–9 hours of sleep, stop using screens two hours before bedtime, and avoid caffeine or naps after 15:00.
6. Practice Stop-Breath-Be – Interrupt stressful moments by saying "stop" out loud, taking a deliberate breath, and focusing entirely on being present in the moment.
7. Use the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique – Inhale through your nose for four seconds, hold the breath for seven seconds, and exhale slowly for eight seconds to trigger relaxation.
8. Execute a Fake Commute – Create a transition ritual between work and home life, such as a walk around the block or grabbing a coffee, to shift mindsets and improve presence.
9. Schedule Micro-Breaks – Take a five-minute break 3–4 times a day to recharge through stretching, walking, or breathing rather than multitasking.
10. Maintain an Expressive Writing Journal – Write down five things you are grateful for each day or use expressive writing to process and release bottled-up emotional stress.

🖼️Outline

📒 Notes

Introduction

Stress is a universal phenomenon, a common problem across cultures, ages and professions. it is the lead cause of Burnout, and it is unanimously perceived as something negative.

Stress is often expressed through:

1. anxiety around uncertainty
2. feeling depleted
3. stressing over low productivity
4. too much to do and so little time
5. lack of purpose

We can't live without stress, and we shouldn't. It has positive effects on us, as long as it's in the right frequency.

To get stress back to healthy levels:

1. Get clear on what matters most
2. Find quiet in a noisy world
3. Sync your brain and your body
4. Come up for air
5. Bring your best self forward

These are the five resets.

Introduction

• stress isn’t a sign that you’re weak at handling the demands of everyday life or that you’ve failed as a human being. Stress is a normal part of the human experience. (Location 59)
• life without stress is biologically impossible. (Location 67)
• A healthy amount of stress is important because it’s an adaptive response to life’s many demands. It serves a functional purpose to move your life forward, but only when it’s dialed to the right frequency for you. The key is to figure out just how much stress is too much stress for you. (Location 96)

What's Your Stress Really Telling You

Our body is capable of handling large amounts of stress, at least for a short period of time. Even when we're overloaded with stress, we might not see it's damaging effects until much later.

Stress can manifest in many ways, like headaches, muscle pain, chest pain, and general weakness. All goes to show that the mind and body are strongly connected.

We sometimes mistakenly believe that stress is a badge of honor, something to be proud of No pain no gain, and even if we're willing to admit that it's tough, we feel incapable of stopping, saying that we will rest when we're done

key messages on how to view your stress:

1. Notice the canary cry - look for the symptoms of stress, of burnout, physical pain, constant fatigue.
2. Release your steam - Like a tea kettle, stress builds up like pressure until we break. We must use ways to release it before it consumes us Proactiveness
3. You are not alone - Stress is a common phenomenon. There's no reason to be ashamed for it, chances are everyone around you is experiencing it too. Shame

What’s Your Stress Really Telling You?

• When we’re stressed, our brains have an uncanny ability to rise up and meet the moment by compartmentalizing inconvenient aspects of ourselves that don’t help with our immediate self-preservation. But after the acute stressful experience has passed and things have settled down, like at bedtime, our true emotions come to the surface. (Location 185)
• Stress shows up differently for each individual, which makes it challenging to identify and treat from the medical perspective. (Location 266)
• We human beings are notoriously bad at knowing our limits, and even when we do know them, we often exceed them. (Location 337)
• Millions of us feel stressed, but no one wants to be identified as someone who is stressed, (Location 436)

What Your Brain Thinks about Stress

Stress is caused by the Amygdala that pushes us towards a fight or flight response. It hightens up our body while suppressing our Executive Attention Network. We focus on surviving and nothing more. This is "fine" when we're talking about short sprints of running from a lion, but harmful when we're talking about a chronic condition day to day. For a long time we might not even notice it, because during stressful periods we "brace for impact", but the stresser is gone we explode, release everything at once.

Too much change at once is very stressful, even if these are good changes. That's why we should stick with the rule of two, no more than two meaningful changes at once Start Small. This allows our mind to adjust to the change and make it a part of who we are.

What Your Brain Thinks About Stress

• Your amygdala is your emotional brain, not your logical brain, so even though you may logically understand that a work deadline isn’t exactly a life-threatening circumstance, your amygdala can’t discern the difference. (Location 533)
• Your brain is built like a dam that recognizes acute crisis and holds it all together so that you can do what is needed in the moment. (Location 569)
• once the acute threat has passed and you feel psychologically safe, the dam breaks, you let your guard down, and your true emotions come to the surface. (Location 570)
• when you use the Resilience Rule of 2 to make slow and gradual changes to your brain—only two at a time—the changes become easier to incorporate into your everyday life and don’t feel as difficult. And those changes are more likely to stick around for the long term and become a part of who you are, rather than something you do every once in a while. (Location 632)

The First Reset: Get Clear on what Matters Most

There's three stages for dealing with stress:

1. Fear zone - we are ruled by our amygdala, incapable of planning ahead, feeling frozen in a harmful cycle
2. Learning zone - we learn to cope with the situation, to make it more manageable
3. Growth zone - we become better, growing past our problem

It takes time to go through the different zones, but this process can be sped up, using the most goal framework SMART Principle:

1. Motivating - something that Will inspire you to work towards it, the "why" behind your actions
2. Objective - something that can be measured
3. Small - start small
4. Timely - set a deadline

Then, after you have your MOST goal, it's time for a backwards plan, go back from your goal one step back, planning what needs to be done by then until you reach your current state, that way you have a detailed step by step plan to get from today to your goal.

We often use hedonic happiness as a Coping mechanism for our stress. We buy, we eat, we bing, we drink to forget it, but once the dopamine hit wears off, the stress returns. This is the Hedonic Treadmill in action, we always return back to our steady state. This is a feature, not a big. This also means that we can bounce back from negative experiences.

The alternative is eudaemonic happiness, a sense of meaning and purpose that fills us with long term happiness.

So find your hidden treasure, a joyful activity that makes you feel alive Bursting with lifeand try to do it daily for at least ten minutes. It can do wonders for your happiness. You don't need a life changing event to shift to focusing on your happiness.

The First Reset: Get Clear on What Matters Most

• The three zones are a gradual, progressive journey we all take during setbacks. First, there’s the unexpected change that causes acute stress (Fear Zone). Our brains then move past survival mode and we gradually learn ways to adapt to this change (Learning Zone). Finally, we gain a new perspective from the experience (Growth Zone). (Location 797)
• Knowing what matters most to you is a powerful catalyst for change. (Location 906)
• being able to tolerate a little temporary discomfort while you’re making healthy changes to your life is an indicator that you’re stepping into your Growth Zone. (Location 938)
• You can’t depend on hedonic happiness as your primary source of happiness, (Location 1059)
• Eudaimonic happiness isn’t centered on pleasure and joy, like hedonic happiness is—it’s centered on meaning and purpose. (Location 1088)
• There’s a difference between being healed and being cured. If you have a disease that can’t be cured, you can still be healed. Healing is movement in the direction of positive results, releasing negative patterns and emotions, (Location 1169)

The Second Reset: Find Quiet in a Noisy World

Our smartphones are causing a drain brain. The Attention Economy takes away our time, energy and mental capacity. It is a hidden stressor, and it's addicting.

To only way to recover is to Detox, by setting healthy Boundaries, such as:

1. Time limits - only using your phone for x minutes a day
2. Geographical limits - no phones in the bedroom
3. Logistical limits - make it harder to access like removing apps and notifications

The change won't be overnight, and it won't be easy, because it's not just a change of habits, it's getting rid of an addiction, so you'll have withdrawal symptoms, like urges to check your phone. Try to resist by finding a healthy alternative like reading a book, and celebrate your wins.

Sleep is essential for managing healthy levels of cortisol, your stress hormone, yet unfortunately sleep is the first casualty of chronic stress. It keeps us alert, so we're having trouble sleeping, which hurts our ability to self regulate.

It's hard to prioritize sleep because the evenings are the only free time we have during the day, so to feel in control, we feel like we need to do something before we go to sleep, like a Reactance to our productive day. Optimal sleep is 7-9 hours between 10 pm and 6 am, but it's rare for most people.

Other contributing factors are the blur lights from screens that mess with our circadian rhythm.

To make it easier for you to fall asleep:

• have a bedtime routine
• no screens 2 hours before bedtime
• no caffeine or naps after 3
• bed is for sleeping
• keep your room dark

Loneliness is also a strong stresser, one amplified by the fakeness of social mediam try to build genuine social connections into your week.

The Second Reset: Find Quiet in a Noisy World

• it’s time to reconsider your relationship to your phone. It’s about being in control of your phone instead of your phone controlling what you think about and how you feel all day long. (Location 1302)
• We are all that person now. And so we scan. All. Day. Long. In today’s uncertain world, scrolling is the night watchman for our sense of safety. Unfortunately, our primal urge to scroll ends up amplifying our stress response, (Location 1441)
• Your reliance on any size of screen can have big implications for your ability to sleep well. (Location 1554)
• How well you sleep, or how poorly you sleep, is also a predictor of your future mental health. (Location 1624)
• those glorious evening hours are yours and yours alone, to do whatever you want! That’s a lot of power. So we stay up late as a form of “revenge” for our challenging days. (Location 1689)

The Third Reset - Sync Your Brain and Your Body

The mind-body connection is a very powerful mechanism. Our thoughts triggers emotions and vice versa. However, sometimes we get out of sync, and that's when we experience stress and burnout the most, because we ignore the signals our body's trying to tell us.

A good technique for resynchronizing is stop-breath-be. No matter what you're doing, say to yourself "stop" out loud, take a moment to breathe breathing, and focus on just being present.

Breathing is the only action that is both voluntary and involuntary in our body. It has great relaxing effects.

A few helpful breathing techniques:

1. Deep belly breathing - place your hand on your stomach and take a few deep breaths
2. 4-7-8 breathing - inhale for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight
3. Heart breathing - place your hand on your heart, inhale for four, exhale for seven

Exercises are also vital for your health and for your brain. As an anti-stressor, they prevent your brain from suffering from high levels of cortisol. Don't have a Binary Thinking of "either I workout 40 minutes every day or it's worthless". Even walking a few minutes a day is helpful. It helps lower the Friction of starting a new habit. Attempt to do it daily, because it reduces Decision fatigue, as you don't have to think about when to perform the habit, you just do it every day.

A more specific connection of the mind and body is the brain-gut connection. The gut has so many neural receptors which is second only to the brain itself, so many those Gut Feelings are really a type of thinking. That's why we stress eat sugary food when we're feeling anxious, our apatite is affected by our mood, but also vice versa.

The microbiome that exists in our gut also affects our mood. That's why it's important to maintain a healthy diet of vegetables, non saturated fat, no sugar or read meat.

The Third Reset: Sync Your Brain and Your Body

• Your stress and burnout may feel bleak and permanent, but the good news is that both are fully reversible.
• key tenet of the mind-body connection is that what’s good for your body is good for your brain and vice versa. When you do better, you feel better. And it’s all in the doing. (Location 1948)
• While stress shrinks the size of your brain, exercise can help certain brain areas grow. (Location 2217)

The Fourth Reset - come up for Air

The goldilocks of stress - Part of the reason for burnout and over stress is because we don't have sufficient breaks throughout the day. Rest is critical, even in small doses Pomodoro technique. Take a five minute break 3-4 times a day is like a quick recharge, as long as we spend it doing relaxing things such as stretching, walking or breathing.

Monotask - multitasking is bad for our stress and our productivity. Task Switching is costly on our prefrontal cortex, like trying to juggle several things at the same time, something will eventually break. To solve it, do Time Blocking

Fake commute - we get confused when we quickly switch between contexts, like switching from parent to worker when working from home. Doing a ritual like a fake commute at the start and end of your day get help you be more focused and productive. For example you can take a walk around the neighborhood, grab a cup of coffee. It also helps you be present with people you care about when you're off work

The Fourth Reset: Come Up for Air

• When you’re home, or out with a friend, put your mind there, too. Leave your work at your job, as much as possible, and feel more deeply connected with family and friends. (Location 2996)

The Fifth Reset - Bring Your Best Self forward

When stress gets too high, we can't stop hearing our inner critic, berating us for every little mistake we make. To combat it, we need to:

1. Express gratitude - noticing the good in your life has huge effects on your wellbeing. Write down 5 things you're grateful for each day. It's not about ignoring the bad, but acknowledging the good.
2. Expressive writing - Writing is a good outlet for bottled up stress. Writing about your emotional state helps you resolve it, by letting go of these emotions that are holding you back
3. A lifetime a day - incorporate as much as possible these aspects to your daily life:
   1. Play
   2. Craft
   3. Vacation
   4. Community
   5. Solitude
   6. Rest
4. Self affirmation - Add visual cues and messages of self love every day Self affirmation

The Fifth Reset: Bring Your Best Self Forward

• Expressive writing helps you drop your emotional baggage so you can travel light on your path toward less stress and more resilience. (Location 3183)
• Try incorporating visual cues and messages of self-love into your everyday life to help you move forward. (Location 3265)
• you are stronger than your stress. (Location 3269)

The Fast Track

Change is a gradual process, from:

1. precontemplation - being unaware of the canary cry
2. contemplation - hearing the canary cry
3. preparation - deciding you want to do something about it
4. action - putting it into practice
5. maintenance - sustaining the new habits

It's like the hare and the tortoise, don't worry about speed as long as you're progressing in the right direction Trust the Process. Keep the rule of two and stay positive.

The Fast Track

• compassion can help change your brain and body, acting as a protective buffer against your stress. (Location 3369)