Rejection Proof
✒️ Note-Making
🔗Connect
⬆️Topic:: Communication (MOC)
💡Clarify
🔈 Summary of main ideas
- Rejection is just an opinion - Rejection says nothing about yourself. It's about the quality of the match, not your absolute value. Circumstances, timing and luck has much to do with it.
- Rejection has a number - Since rejection is about the match, given enough tries you're likely to find the person who will say "yes". It might not be easy or fast, but if you get back up and try again, you can find it.
- "no" is not the end - Don't just run after hearing "no", ask for the reasons behind the rejection, and offer concessions. Also, you can reduce the chances of being rejected by being polite, stating your why and acknowledging the costs/risks with your request.
- Be a kind rejector - Being rejected is never easy. Do it kindly by being direct, polite, and offer alternatives if possible. A rejection with a smile is better.
- Rejection proof is liberating - Rejection is like the wizard of oz, intimidating yet powerless. Once we shake ourselves from it's fear, we are free to live more authentically, to go after our dreams without stopping ourselves or letting others' expectations take over.
- Find the upside - Rejection can be a useful feedback, we can convert the pain of rejection into fuel for becoming better, and also as a sign whether our goals are really worth pursuing. There are lessons to be learned, so why not listen?
🗒️Relate
⛓ by following this method, what will happen? What is the goal of this book? You will no longer fear rejection, which will give you the courage to live more authentically, to pursue your dreams.
✅Act
📋What should I do to achieve the goals set out by this book?
- Ask for what you want – Muster the courage to ask for what you desire.
- Be polite, open, and friendly – Increase your chances of a "yes" by being polite, open, and friendly when making a request.
- Make multiple attempts – Understand that rejection is an opinion, and try asking multiple people or making multiple attempts until you get a "yes".
- Use humor to cope – Alleviate the pain of rejection by employing humor.
- Ask "why" after a "no" – Understand the reasons behind a rejection by asking for feedback.
- Offer concessions – If your original request is denied, try making a concession or offering an alternative to achieve a "yes."
- Explain your "why" – Clearly connect with and explain the reasons behind your request.
- Acknowledge the potential cost – Be the first to admit if your request has a cost, risk, or is unusual, to put the other person at ease.
- Use rejection as fuel for self-improvement – Treat rejection as feedback to improve your communication and yourself.
- Continuously practice courage – Recognize courage as a muscle that requires constant work to maintain.
🔍Critique
🧩 relevant research, metaphors or examples that helps to convey the argument Many of the famous works of art we know they that are almost unanimously acknowledged for their quality has been rejected by many publishers. Books such as Harry Potter, lord of the files.
❌ the logical jumps, holes or simply cases where it is wrong...
🧱 Implementations and limitations of it are... It is mostly him telling his story along his 100 days of rejection, which means the insights-story ratio is rather low
🗨️Review
💭 my opinions on the book, the writers style... It is a nice story, clearly inspired by the viral trend the author has created. It is interesting, genuine and an easy read. The insights are "okay", it serves more as motivation than educational.
🖼️Outline
📒 Notes
Meeting Rejection
Many of us keep a pile of sacred dreams tucked away, afraid to let them out because we fear rejection. We surrender to Peer Pressure and others' Expectations, becoming our own worst rejectors. We deny our dreams before even giving them a chance.
Fighting Rejection
Facing rejection is terrifying because it can hurt our Self esteem. We imagine the worst-case scenarios: being ridiculed, punished, ignored, or offending someone with our request. Our Judgment of what might happen takes over, turning our Prediction into a nightmare.
However, when we muster the courage to ask for what we want, we often find that the harmful responses we visualized don't happen. We might even get a "yes." People are inherently good
The chance of hearing "yes" increases if you're polite, open, and friendly. People generally want to help those who seem genuine and nice.
When you take the poison out of rejection, you see it's not that bad, and you might even hear "yes." This experience is a great boost for your confidence.
- The problem with insecurity is that you start feeling like everyone might reject you, even your closest loved ones. (Location 283)
- by piquing the other person’s interest with the way I made the request, I might have a higher probability of getting a yes. (Location 475)
- When I was confident, friendly, and open, people seemed more inclined to go along with my request; even if they said no, they at least stayed engaged longer to ask questions. If I could just figure out the right way to communicate in each situation, I might increase my chance of being accepted—and also decrease my fears about a possible rejection. (Location 478)
Tasting Fame
Tasting victory can be exhilarating, but don't forget your purpose-what brought you success and what you're trying to achieve. You have a mission, a calling, and a chance to be yourself. Stay the course.
Battling Evolution
The fear of rejection is often stronger than a typical fear of Failure. It hurts more because it feels personal. We put our faith in others, and when they turn us down-perhaps choosing someone else-we can feel worthless, even if we did our best.
The pain of rejection can feel like physical pain, which may be an evolutionary remnant designed to keep us socially safe.
It turns out humor is a great remedy for this pain. It allows us to "brush off" the sting of being rejected, though it does little for the anticipation of pain and isn't always applicable. Rejection is like the Wizard of Oz: intimidating on the surface but harmless behind the curtain.
- people naturally want revenge after they’ve been rejected, perhaps thinking that they will feel better by showing the rejectors how wrong they were. Yet it doesn’t work that way, and those who lash out actually wind up feeling worse when they get revenge. (Location 784)
- It turns out that laughter has been linked to killing pain—literally. There is a ton of anecdotal evidence that humor helps to reduce pain and stress—even (Location 931)
Rethinking Rejection
Rejection is nothing more than an opinion. You can make the exact same request to several people and get a different response each time. It's not about absolutes; it's about finding the right match, which is partly influenced by Randomness and Luck.
This means that rejection "has a number." Given enough attempts, you'll likely find someone who will say yes. Don't be too harsh on yourself when they don't. You just have to survive the potentially many "no"s to get there.
- When you are not afraid of rejection and it feels like you have nothing to lose, amazing things can happen. (Location 997)
- how many would-be masterpieces have never seen the light of day because the creators were so discouraged by the rejections and negative opinions and stopped trying. (Location 1139)
Taking a No
Hearing "no" isn't the end of the story; you can still gain something from the situation. You can:
- Ask why - This helps you understand the reasons for their refusal, which can be valuable Feedback.
- Make a concession - Adopt an "if you can't do this, can you do that?" mindset. Perhaps they can't accept your original request, but lowering the bar might get you a "yes." consession
- Think like a team - Instead of arguing or pushing back, try to find Win win situations.
- Connect with your "why" - Explain the reasons behind your request. It is helpful to show how your request benefits the other person or a greater cause.
- Acknowledge the price - Be the first to admit that your request comes at a cost-perhaps it involves a risk or is unusual. This puts the other person at ease and shows that you understand their perspective. Accusation audit
- Knowing the reason behind a rejection can help dissipate, or even dissolve, any of the pain one might feel otherwise. (Location 1211)
- arguing always turns potential collaborators into enemies. (Location 1307)
Positioning for Yes
When you have to turn someone down, follow these principles for a peaceful, respectful, and productive rejection:
- Be nice - A smile goes a long way, even when delivering a difficult message. It shows that you Respect them.
- Be direct - Avoid a big build-up or a "yes, but..." approach. It can feel insincere, and the other person will likely sense the "but" coming. Be upfront and state your decision directly.
- Offer an alternative - If possible, suggest something else you can do. This shows you care enough to make an effort and that your refusal isn't personal but is based on the specific circumstances. Cognitive Distancing
- people’s responses to a request are deeply influenced by knowing there is a reason behind it, no matter what that reason is. (Location 1426)
- No matter the situation, bringing people’s doubt out in the open can be a powerful way to gain their attention, their trust, and often even their acceptance. (Location 1529)
- If you have to reject someone, do it nicely. (Location 1714)
- When you deliver a rejection to someone, give the bad news quickly and directly. You can add the reasons afterward, if the other person wants to listen. No one enjoys rejection, but people particularly hate big setups and “yes-buts.” They don’t lessen the blow—in fact, they often do quite the opposite. (Location 1749)
Finding the Upside
- It's a matter of perspective - Whether rejection has a good or bad impact on us is a matter of judgment. How we view the experience shapes it.
- Use rejection as fuel. Rejection can serve as powerful fuel for self-improvement. Emotional Aikido
- Improve communication - If your approach fails 100 times, perhaps the message is the problem. Treat rejection as feedback to improve what you say and how you say it.
- It builds character - At the very least, experiencing rejection is like exposure therapy. Going through hardship makes you more resilient for the future.
- The relationship you have with a rejection can be negative or positive, and it all depends on which way you spin it for yourself. (Location 1852)
- Turning rejection into a positive requires courage. It requires looking rejection in the face and seeing it for what it really is—an experience that can either hurt you or help you, depending on how you look at it. (Location 2029)
Finding Meaning
Rejection can cultivate Empathy. Because pain is a universal experience, having suffered ourselves makes it easier to see and understand the pain of others. Similarly, it can help us find and stick with our Life's Mission. If something is worth suffering for, it must be important.
- it was through that rejection that they discovered how much pain they were willing to experience in order to obtain their goal. (Location 2184)
- We might not have freedom to control our situations, but we have freedom to find meaning in every experience, even when it’s rejection, whether it’s empathy, value, or a new mission in life. (Location 2275)
Finding Freedom
When we no longer fear rejection, we are free to be ourselves. We miss countless opportunities simply because we're afraid of being turned down. Without this fear, we gain the freedom to pursue our goals and be who we wish to be. Authenticity
- by not even asking, we are rejecting ourselves by default—and probably missing out on opportunity as a result. (Location 2340)
Finding Power
There is power in not being attached to the outcomes of our requests. We can only control our own actions, not other people's. Acceptance When we aren't blinded by potential outcomes, we can perform our best. By caring less about the result, we can often achieve more. The law of reverse effect
Living a New Mission
Courage is like a muscle; it requires constant work to maintain.
- courage—the ability to do something that’s frightening, such as asking for what you need or want, or do the right thing amid rejection and disapproval—is not born but gained. It’s like a muscle. You need to keep exercising it to keep it strong. Otherwise, it might weaken or even atrophy. (Location 2634)