Quiet (book)
Connect
🔼Topic:: Behavioral Psychology (MOC) 🔼Topic:: introvert
✒️ Note-Making
💡Clarify
🔈 Summary of main ideas
- It's all about stimulus - Introverts are not anti-social, they are anti over-stimulation. Since they are more sensitive to their environment, it will be easier for them to be in a low stimulation environment, such as a close circle of friends, or even time alone
- Fake it till you make it - we can stretch our boundaries, and "force" ourselves for outbursts of expressiveness, as long as we find time to charge
- Slow and steady wins the race - While they are not the most persuasive or fast, introverts tend to make better leaders and decision makers because they listen more, and reflect more on the decisions they make, and less prone to distractions, gratification, and biases.
🗒️Relate
⛓ Life lessons, action items
🔍Critique
✅ by following this method, what will happen? It is heartwarming to find a definition that I am really comfortable with, and to understand that its not that introverts are apathic, but rather the opposite! they are more sensitive to the environment which causes them to avoid over stimulations.
❌ the logical jumps, holes or simply cases where it is wrong... what I don't like about this book is that its "hard to read", the topic and content of each chapter is unclear. There are more examples than actual content, and its unclear what is the purpose of those examples, just showing that there are sensitive introverts in the world? in the end you get almost nothing, mostly the bottom lines that you already heard in the intro, covered by a lot of personal or anecdotical stories about famous people that are supposed to convince you.
🧱 Implementations and limitations of it are...
🗨️Review
💭 my opinions on the book, the writers style...
🖼️Outline
📒 Notes
INTRODUCTION The North and South of Temperament
we live in a world with an extrovert ideal, we appreciate those who act, who speak up, who are social and easy-going. In this world, introverts are less valued, since they are shy, tend to avoid big crowed, and speak quietly.
there is no one definition for introverts, but it is usually those who prefer to avoid over stimulated situations, prefer their "inner world" over the external one. prefer small gatherings with friends and family, deep conversations over small talk, and need to recharge after social events.
- We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal—the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. (Location 244)
- Introverts are drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling, said Jung, extroverts to the external life of people and activities. (Location 349)
- Introverts often work more slowly and deliberately. They like to focus on one task at a time and can have mighty powers of concentration. They’re relatively immune to the lures of wealth and fame. (Location 367)
- They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions. (Location 373)
THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTY LIKEABLE FELLOW” How Extroversion Became the Cultural Ideal
After the industrial revolution, there was also a change in the "ideal image" of a person. Instead of a craftsman, we need a salesman. Someone who is brave, persuasive. We replaced character with personality. It is not only in the economic sense, but also for example in the dating world, people didn't want to appear as shy anymore, and parents educated their kids to be as extroverts as possible.
- how did we go from Character to Personality without realizing that we had sacrificed something meaningful along the way? (Location 701) [!Quote]- THE MYTH OF CHARISMATIC LEADERSHIP The Culture of Personality, a Hundred Years Later
- something might be wrong with a leadership style that values quick and assertive answers over quiet, slow decision-making. (Location 961)
- We don’t need giant personalities to transform companies. We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run. (Location 1057)
- introverts are uniquely good at leading initiative-takers. (Location 1095)
- introverts are more likely than extroverts to express intimate facts about themselves online that their family and friends would be surprised to read, to say that they can express the “real me” online, and to spend more time in certain kinds of online discussions. They welcome the chance to communicate digitally. (Location 1195) [!Quote]- WHEN COLLABORATION KILLS CREATIVITY The Rise of the New Groupthink and the Power of Working Alone
- introverts prefer to work independently, and solitude can be a catalyst to innovation. (Location 1369)
- top performers overwhelmingly worked for companies that gave their workers the most privacy, personal space, control over their physical environments, and freedom from interruption. (Location 1533)
- the brain is incapable of paying attention to two things at the same time. What looks like multitasking is really switching back and forth between multiple tasks, which reduces productivity and increases mistakes by up to 50 percent. (Location 1546)
- performance gets worse as group size increases: (Location 1609)
- three explanations for the failure of group brainstorming. The first is social loafing: in a group, some individuals tend to sit back and let others do the work. The second is production blocking: only one person can talk or produce an idea at once, while the other group members are forced to sit passively. And the third is evaluation apprehension, meaning the fear of looking stupid in front of one’s peers. (Location 1624)
- Peer pressure, in other words, is not only unpleasant, but can actually change your view of a problem. (Location 1663)
- Our schools should teach children the skills to work with others—cooperative learning can be effective when practiced well and in moderation—but also the time and training they need to deliberately practice on their own. (Location 1696)
The Myth of Charismatic Leadership
nowadays, we tend to think of good leaders as strong, extrovert, charismatic leaders, like Tony Robbins, but leadership can be quiet too, like Rosa Parks. Introvert leaders tend to listen more to their team, which improves performance and innovation overall. Active Listening
Cooperation Vs Creativity
cooperation can be harmful in several ways:
- Group thinking - in a group settings, people might "go with the group" and avoid voicing different opinions due to social pressure, and the desire to be part of the group. This can even cause people to believe that their ideas are actually wrong, and not just hide them. Group Thinking
- Lack of deliberate practice - When we work as a team, we often don't get the chance to do Deliberate Practice, i.e to tackle a challenge head on and try out different methods to solve it, let the challenge force you to become better Flow. Instead we rely too much on the group to save us Free rider
- Lack of control on our environment - workplaces like open space are harmful to productivity, since they are filled with Distractions and interruptions, preventing us from doing Deep Work. Environmental design
IS TEMPERAMENT DESTINY? Nature, Nurture, and the Orchid Hypothesis
research suggests that introverts are actually children who had high-temprament, meaning reacted more strongly to external stimulation and social situations. Since they bear a higher cost in those situations, they tend to shy away from those when they grow up. Meaning it's not that they care less, its the opposite, its just that its very difficult for them to mitigate their internal emotional state in those occasions. Emotional Resilience
Therefore, since introverts are more likely to be high-temprament, it also means that they are more sensitive to effects of education. Its true for all children, but for introverts more so, the effects of good, supporting parenthood vs abusive ones create more extreme results for the children - "when its good its great, when its bad its awful".
- a high-reactive child’s ideal parent: someone who “can read your cues and respect your individuality; is warm and firm in placing demands on you without being harsh or hostile; promotes curiosity, academic achievement, delayed gratification, and self-control; and is not harsh, neglectful, or inconsistent.” (Location 1999)
BEYOND TEMPERAMENT The Role of Free Will (and the Secret of Public Speaking for Introverts)
a repetition of the temperament chapter
- Once you understand introversion and extroversion as preferences for certain levels of stimulation, you can begin consciously trying to situate yourself in environments favorable to your own personality—neither overstimulating nor understimulating, neither boring nor anxiety-making. (Location 2174)
“FRANKLIN WAS A POLITICIAN, BUT ELEANOR SPOKE OUT OF CONSCIENCE” Why Cool Is Overrated
introverts, since they are more sensitive, tend to have a richer inner world, they tend to philosophize, to become artist, thinkers, inventors. That's why they also don't like small talks, its too shallow for them, and why they thrive in interesting discussions. The also tend to be more empathic, having a greater sense of conscious, but it also comes with a larger sense of guilt and embarrassment.
- sensitive types think in an unusually complex fashion. It may also help explain why they’re so bored by small talk. (Location 2378)
WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH AND WARREN BUFFETT PROSPER? How Introverts and Extroverts Think (and Process Dopamine) Differently
Introverts tend to be less reward seeking than extroverts, meaning they are less distracted by the potential reward, less implosive and more able to Delay Gratification In general, they tend to think more before acting, less prone to Conformation Bias, and compare the information to their initial beliefs. While they may not be the fastest to act, its not the fastest who wins the race. By exploring more options, analyzing before acting, and staying focused on the goal rather than distractions or rewards, they usually have better achievements.
- extroverted clients are more likely to be highly reward-sensitive, while the introverts are more likely to pay attention to warning signals. They’re more successful at regulating their feelings of desire or excitement. (Location 2716)
- Introverts think before they act, digest information thoroughly, stay on task longer, give up less easily, and work more accurately. (Location 2888)
- stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth. If you prefer single-tasking to multitasking, stick to your guns. Being relatively unmoved by rewards gives you the incalculable power to go your own way. It’s up to you to use that independence to good effect. (Location 2971)
SOFT POWER Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal
some cultures tend to be on average more introverted than others. For example Asian countries have a much higher tendency to be quiet, respectful, and other-thinking. This is also perhaps correlated with the individuality level of the country. Asian countries are more group oriented, while Americans for example are more individualistic.
- Westerners value boldness and verbal skill, traits that promote individuality, while Asians prize quiet, humility, and sensitivity, which foster group cohesion. (Location 3198)
WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MORE EXTROVERTED THAN YOU REALLY ARE
Some argue that personality traits are not fixed but rather situational, we are acting one way at work, another with friends, and a different one at home. A person is a community While its not 100% flexible, we can see that a "fake it till you make it approach" is possible for introverts, finding a way to give short bursts of extrovert personality when needed, for example before public speaking. But in the end you will times to relax and recharge, you can't fake it everywhere all the time.
- introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly. (Location 3501)
Introvert -extrovert Relationships
These opposites tend to attract to one another, and when a debate comes up on which social activity to do if any, one should remember that the divide is not between pro and anti social, but rather which type of social activities are preferred and what level of intimacy is involved.
ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can’t Hear Them
if your child is introvert, remember - introvert is not something to be cured, rather to be cultivated. You should understand how your child thinks, and treat him the way works best for him, and not how you think you should treat him. Try to push his boundaries, while being patient and understanding. Adjust to his preferences of learning and socializing. Adaptability
- The key is to expose your child gradually to new situations and people—taking care to respect his limits, even when they seem extreme. (Location 4157)
- You can also teach your child simple social strategies to get him through uncomfortable moments. Encourage him to look confident even if he’s not feeling it. Three simple reminders go a long way: smile, stand up straight, and make eye contact. (Location 4193)