How to Change (book)

🔗Connect

🔼Topic:: Change (MOC)

✒️ Note-Making

💡Clarify

🔈 Summary of main ideas

1. Fresh start - when asking when to change, use the fresh start effect to jumpstart it, perhaps a new location, start of a new year, etc.
2. Make it fun - use temptation bundling and gamification to fight present bias and make the "long term actions" gratifying .
3. Commit - use commitment devices, either penalties or restrictions to avoid procrastination or punish you if you do procrastinate
4. Plan cues - use cue based planning to never forget, which means having a detailed plan on the when and how, and use or create cues to reinforce this habit.
5. Remove Friction - set up good defaults and turn good behavior into a habit.
6. Confidence - boost confidence by giving advices to others, have peers to debate with, and remember that failure is a step forward.
7. Imitation - find a group of similar minded people to support you on your journey, learn and imitate their behavior.

🗒️Relate

⛓ Life lessons, action items

1. Tailored solutions - to make change stick, I need to be aware of my specific barriers for success, and not just imitate what others are doing. I need to create solutions that are best fitted for me, my skills and my problems, so that I could solve them efficiently.

🔍Critique

✅ by following this method, what will happen? It will be easier to change and make good habits stick by creating the best solution based on the problem at hand that prevents me from succeeding

❌ the logical jumps, holes or simply cases where it is wrong...

🧱 Implementations and limitations of it are...

🗨️Review

💭 my opinions on the book, the writers style... The book is a collection of short chapters, each on a different barrier for change, such as laziness or impulsivity. There is no arching theme.

🖼️Outline

📒 Notes

Quotes

Contents

Introduction

General techniques for change and better habits is not enough and often fails, Like trying to build a building without knowing the specific landscape. If we want change to stick, we need to understand the specific barrier we have in each problem and tailor a solution for that. Only by understanding the obstacle we are facing, we could come up we a useful plan against it, otherwise it will continue to beat us.

Quotes

• Why is it that these tools and techniques designed to spur change so often fail? One answer is that change is hard. But a more useful answer is that you haven’t found the right strategy. (Location 246)
• You can use an all-purpose strategy that works well on average. Set tough goals and break them down into component steps. Visualize success. Work to create habits—tiny ones, atomic ones, keystone ones—following the advice laid out in self-help bestsellers. But you’ll get further faster if you customize your strategy: isolate the weakness preventing progress, and then pounce. (Location 256)
• when it comes to changing your behavior, your opponent isn’t facing you across the net. Your opponent is inside your head. Maybe it’s forgetfulness, or a lack of confidence, or laziness, or the tendency to succumb to temptation. Whatever the challenge, the best tacticians size up their opponent and play accordingly. (Location 294)

Getting Started

Changes are easier to do when we don't have old bad habits to break, when we feel that we are in a clean state Clean Slate, for example, educating young parents is effective compare to other "awareness programs" because they don't yet have bad parental habits.

The way fresh start encounters us humans is that we don't perceive time and space as a continuum, but rather as a series of separated chapters. Between those chapters we can have a feeling of a fresh start.

Fresh start instance can be:

1. Calendar - start of a new week/month/year
2. Location - when moving to a new city/switching jobs, etc.
3. Arbitrary - birthdays, holidays, switching from "student" to "grownup"...

The most famous example are new year's resolution. While we don't always succeed at maintaining these habits, we at least try. You can't succeed if you never try. The disadvantage of a fresh start effect is that it also resets any good behavior done previously, like keeping a streak that resets each day, or eating healthy when going to the parents for a holiday.

Quotes

• If we hoped to effectively promote behavior change, of course we would need to understand when to begin. (Location 335)
• if you want to change your behavior or someone else’s, you’re at a huge advantage if you begin with a blank slate—a fresh start—and no old habits working against you. There’s just one problem: true blank slates are incredibly rare. (Location 375)
• rather than perceiving time as a continuum, we tend to think about our lives in “episodes,” creating story arcs from the notable incidents, or chapters, in our lives. (Location 401)
• We’re more likely to pursue change on dates that feel like new beginnings because these moments help us overcome a common obstacle to goal initiation: the sense that we’ve failed before and will, thus, fail again. (Location 443)
• when we’re seeking to change, the disruptions to our lives triggered by physical transitions can be just as powerful as the fresh starts spurred by new beginnings on our calendars. (Location 471)
• while fresh starts are helpful for kick-starting change, they can also be unwelcome disruptors of well-functioning routines. Anyone seeking to maintain good habits should beware. (Location 541)
• Too often, a sense that change is difficult and daunting prevents us from taking the leap to try. Maybe you like the idea of making a change, but actually doing it seems hard, and so you feel unmotivated to start. Maybe you’ve failed when you attempted to change before and expect to fail again. Often, change takes multiple attempts to stick. (Location 606)

Impulsivity

Long term goals and the actions that will bring us there are often boring and exhausting, and since we humans naturally prefer fun, we have a Present Bias, focusing on short term gratification rather than long term benefits. stimulus response compatibility The answer, instead of using brute willpower to subdue ourselves into obeying (which is not only painful but also ineffective), is to bring instant gratification to our positive habits.

Two possible strategies:

1. Temptation bundling - combine the boring activity with a fun one, like watching your favorite show while working out. It works best when the fun activity is limited only to the temptation bundling, which means it's "forbidden" the rest of the time. The disadvantage is that it's not always possible to bundle every activity, like reading email while listening to a podcast, both require focus. Temptation Bundling
2. Gamification - we can try to make the boring activity itself more enjoyable, making it into a game, with leader boards, rewards and badges. The disadvantage is that people have to "enter the magic circle", which means want to participate in the game in the first place. Gamification

Quotes

• Economists call this tendency to favor instantly gratifying temptations over larger long-term rewards “present bias,” though its common name is “impulsivity,” and it’s unfortunately universal. (Location 657)
• We think “future me” will be able to make good choices, but too often “present me” succumbs to temptation. (Location 692)
• Rather than believing we’ll be able to “just do it” (as Nike implores us), we can make more progress if we recognize that we struggle to do what’s distasteful in the moment and look for ways to make those activities sweeter. (Location 710)
• relying solely on willpower to get things done is particularly hopeless because we have so little energy left at the end of a long day. (Location 772)
• temptation bundling certainly works best if you can actually restrict an indulgence to whenever you’re doing a task that requires an extra boost of motivation (Location 786)
• In general, a cognitively demanding task can’t easily be paired with another cognitively demanding task. And the same applies to physically demanding activities: (Location 797)
• “gamification,” or the act of making an activity that isn’t a game feel more engaging and less monotonous by adding gamelike features such as symbolic rewards, a sense of competition, and leaderboards. (Location 838)
• Gamification is unhelpful and can even be harmful if people feel that their employer is forcing them to participate in “mandatory fun.” (Location 871)
• gamification can help many of us tackle our goals, so long as we’re choosing to use it to pursue goals we want to achieve. (Location 896)
• rather than relying on willpower to resist temptation, we’re better off figuring out how to make good behaviors more gratifying in the short-term. Big payoffs far down the road just aren’t enough to keep us motivated. (Location 922)

Procrastination

We are fully aware on what we want to do, but fail to do so, falling into distractions and procrastinate. Like seeing a delicious burger when we are on a diet. Procrastination A way to solve that is Commitment Devices, meant to be set up when we are clearheaded, to be used when we are overwhelmed by emotions.

• Commitment devices are defined by penalties and restrictions, either soft or hard.
  • Restrictions vs penalties - While restrictions are more powerful because they block us from preforming the harmful action, they are harder to implement because not all actions can be blocked. Penalties however are reversed, they don't restrict you whatsoever from doing the harmful action, but they pose a punishment which increase the cost of the action, makes it more salient, and can make you think twice. Limits Incentives
  • Hard vs soft - Hard measures are more effective, but also less forgiving, for example in cases where you fail because of forces outside your control, or not having access to your money in case of emergency

• Penalties:
  • Soft - a formal pledge to yourself or others not to fail your commitment.
  • Hard - monetary you can set any goal you like, and if you fail to reach that goal, you will lose money.
• Restrictions:
  • Soft - having smaller plates to encourage eating smaller portions, or putting the cookies in an uncomfortable place
  • Hard - apps that block social media apps during certain hours. Putting money in a closed savings account that only opens once in a long while.

Making smaller commitments are easier to pull through than big ones Start Small. Most people don't use commitment devices because they naively believe that their willpower is sufficient to uphold their commitment, and that their willpower is the best tool for the job. Willpower is Limited ) (Opposes:: over confidence

Quotes

• commitment devices can be something of a godsend. They help us change our behavior for the better by locking us into choices we make when we’re clearheaded about what’s good for us, not when we’re hotheadedly reacting to an imminent temptation, and they keep us from indulging in the temptation to misbehave later on. (Location 1063)
• there are a wide range of costs we can impose on ourselves, or that others can impose on us, to help us achieve our goals. These range from soft penalties, such as announcing our goals or deadlines publicly so we’ll suffer humiliation if we miss them, to hard penalties, such as having to hand over cash should we fail. There are also soft restrictions we can self-impose, such as eating from a smaller plate or using a piggy bank, and hard restrictions, such as putting our money in a locked savings account or accepting gym-only access to your iPod. (Location 1167)
• While everyone would like to believe they’re a sophisticate, the world is also, sadly, full of naïfs. Combined with some appropriate fear of costly failure, that’s the best explanation we have for why so many people who could benefit from commitment devices aren’t willing to use them. (Location 1224)

Forgetfulness

Sometimes we fail to act simply because we forget Forgetfulness. In our modern age, when we are exposed to endless interruptions and also expected to do much more than before, it is no surprise we forget. Attention Economy

Remainders could solve the problem if they are built correctly, which is if they are as detailed and as close to the action as possible. For example, reminding you in the morning what you need to do in the evening is ineffective, but putting the gym clothes next to the car keys is much relevant. This is called "cue based planning", the more we describe the "when" and "how" we will preform the action, the more likely we are to do it. Clarity Planning For example, instead of "I'll floss more" -> "before going to sleep, after brushing my teeth I will floss" is more concrete.

Advantages:

1. Detailed - The act of planning in itself increases the likelihood, since information that is reviewed is easier to recall, and it creates a commitment.
2. Cue - planning helps us connect the action to a Cue in the environment. Now that I'll brush my teeth I will remember to floss. The more noticeable the cue is, the more effective it will be. Visibility You can either create your own cues or use existing ones. Even techniques such as Memory Palace could be useful. Nudge

Quotes

• our intentions are only loosely predictive of our behaviors. (Location 1330)
• the biggest, most surprising, and easiest-to-overcome reason for flake out is that people simply forget. (Location 1333)
• Reminders work far, far better when we can act on them immediately. (Location 1389)
• • more easily a person can detect the cue needed to enact their plan (thanks to details and specificity), the better. (Location 1426)
• The more we engage with information, the longer it’s recalled. (Location 1434)
• The power that cues have to trigger memories means that linking a plan (such as flossing) with a cue you expect to encounter (such as your nightly tooth-brushing ritual) makes it far more likely that you’ll remember the plan. The cue will retrieve the memory of what you’re supposed to do. (Location 1444)
• When creating cue-based plans, it’s wise to keep these lessons in mind. The more vivid, catchy, and thus memorable the cue, the more likely it is to do its job and help us recall our plans. (Location 1477)
• encouraging people to make a plan, whether over the phone or in the privacy of their own homes, is an underappreciated way to combat flaking out. (Location 1561)

Laziness

Laziness is an asset as well as a disadvantage. Our tendency to stick to Defaults can be positive or negative, depends on the defaults. Positive defaults can help us maintenance a streak of good behavior without exercising our willpower. It will make the good behavior the "path of least resistance". Friction To build good defaults:

1. Nudge - make the better decision your default. Have only healthy food in the fridge, have an automated transfer of money to a savings account, etc. The less friction you have with making a good decision, the better.
2. Habits - after good habits are formed, they tend to stick. It will take repetition and reward, but afterwards it will become a habit. Note that the best habits are flexible, so that you can continue to do them in some shape or form even if circumstances change. Robustness

Quotes

• laziness isn’t always a vice. Instead of seeing our inherent laziness as a bug, I regard it as a feature with many upsides. While it can unquestionably get in the way of behavior change, it also prevents us from wasting oodles of time and energy. (Location 1682)
• If defaults are set wisely, you’ll still end up making the best decision even if you don’t lift a finger—an (Location 1701)
• When we need our autopilot to generate good results and can’t rely on a default, the next-best option is to engineer a helpful habit. (Location 1754)
• When a given behavior is repeated (or drilled) over and over in a consistent environment, and when positive feedback of any kind accompanies its execution, it tends to become instinctual. (Location 1784)
• good habits keep them from facing temptation head-on in the first place. They don’t even think about making the wrong decision. (Location 1795)
• forming stable routines is key to habit formation. But if we want to form the “stickiest” possible habits, we also need to learn how to roll with the punches, so we can be flexible when life throws us a curve ball. Too much rigidity is the enemy of a good habit. (Location 1894)
• The most versatile and robust habits are formed when we train ourselves to make the best decision, no matter the circumstances. (Location 1913)
• tracking a behavior helps you avoid forgetting to do it until it becomes second nature. It’s also a nice way to ensure you celebrate your successes and hold yourself accountable for failure. (Location 1933)

Confidence

Sometimes we don't act not because of ignorance, but rather lack of confidence. We don't believe that we can change, or have something to offer. When we fail to act, others rush in to give us advice, which only further hurts our self esteem and our ability to change. Advice Counterintuitively, giving advice is what can help us achieve our own goals, because:

1. Clarity - we imagine what we would do in that case, which makes the change tangible for us
2. self-worth - We feel valued and relevant, which boosts confidence Self Worth
3. Cognitive Alignment - if we say something, we are more likely to believe it in order to prevent internal conflict, so we "convince ourselves". Cognitive Alignment

Overall , giving advice is a win win situations because it helps both sides. In order to give this benefit to everyone, you can have "council circles" with peers where each one gives advice to someone else. peer support Another huge factor is our perception of our lives. Like housekeepers who were told that their work is actually a workout, and had their vitals improved. We can use the Placebo effect to believe we are confident, and it will be so.

Another way to increase confidence is to improve the way we perceive failure. We can:

1. Allow for mulligans - having the option of a mulligan, aka "cheat days", can give you the safety and flexibility of maintaining your habit despite small failures, instead of a "all or nothing" approach. Failure
2. Growth mindset - looking at failure as a chance to learn and improve, rather than an indication of being unworthy. Growth Mindset

Quotes

• failure to act wasn’t related to a lack of knowledge, but rather to self-doubt—what (Location 2045)
• when we don’t believe we have the capacity to change, we don’t make as much progress changing. (Location 2053)
• Too often, we assume that the obstacle to change in others is ignorance, and so we offer advice to mend that gap. But what if the problem isn’t ignorance but confidence—and our unsolicited wisdom isn’t making things better but worse? (Location 2060)
• prompting goal seekers to offer advice led them to feel more motivated than when they were given the very same caliber of advice. (Location 2074)
• being asked to give advice conveyed to people that more was expected of them, boosting their confidence. (Location 2094)
• Our expectations shape our outcomes. (Location 2167)
• The feedback and reinforcement we get from the people around us play a key role in shaping our beliefs about our own abilities. (Location 2198)
• Allowing for emergencies is another way of preventing excess rigidity from torpedoing successful attempts at change. It gives your ego a means of bouncing back from the inevitable, occasional failure. (Location 2247)
• No one can make a major breakthrough without experiencing setbacks along the way—the decisive factor is how we respond. By surrounding ourselves with supporters, putting ourselves in the position of advice givers, letting ourselves off the hook for small failures, and recognizing that setbacks help us grow, we can overcome self-doubt. (Location 2302)

Conformity

Who we spend time with are crucial for our behavior. People tend to imitate others whether consciously or subconsciously, both to avoid social exclusion, and because we believe others (the majority) have insights we don't have. Conformism

The main method we can use for our benefit is "copy and paste", which is to embrace the positive habits of those around us. We tend to learn more from observation than from advices. experience knowledge The more active we are in the "copy and paste" method, the higher the chance it will stick. For example if we actively look how others are studying, rather than just sit and study with them. Mastery

We tend to imitate more the more similar we are to others. representation However, imitation has its limits, if we feel that it is too difficult for us to follow the social norm, we will get discouraged and would actually preform worse, like failing students who are paired with geniuses creaming To reduce negative effects, we can focus on Signaling, where positive behavior is not mandatory, but is valued.

Quotes

• Consciously or subconsciously, norms create pressure to conform so we won’t experience social discomfort or sanctions but can instead enjoy “fitting in”; and they often also convey information about how to acquire “payoffs” that we might otherwise overlook (such as avoiding a threat). (Location 2362)
• people you’ve spent time with have been shaping your behavior your whole life, often without your knowledge. (Location 2382)
• it was more helpful if people found strategies to copy and paste themselves than if the strategies came from someone else. (Location 2435)
• Often, in fact, we’re more influenced by observation than by advice. (Location 2441)
• the closer we are to someone and the more their situation resembles our own, the more likely we are to be influenced by their behavior, even if the behavior is merely described rather than directly observed. (Location 2471)
• coercive uses of social pressure tend to be less effective when we aren’t face-to-face with the person pressuring us to act, when we have a chance to reflect, and when we can consider our intended actions with a fellow skeptic. (Location 2481)
• In endeavors that require sustained effort, finding out that we’re way behind our peers can break our spirit. (Location 2543)
• it’s clear that if you’re hoping to encourage others to adopt better behaviors, you can use humans’ love of adulation to your advantage. (Location 2608)

Changing for Good

To make change stick, we need Grit. The obstacles mentioned previously are more like symptoms of a chronic illness. A one-time effort isn't enough, we have to continue with these methods in the long run. However, we should be aware that obstacles change over time, so our strategy should be adapted accordingly, preferably matching our strengths and weaknesses

Quotes

• Not only do the obstacles that you face require tailored solutions; you need tailored goals that acknowledge and match your strengths and weaknesses. (Location 2733)