Hope for Cynics (book)
✒️ Note-Making
🔗Connect
⬆️Topic:: optimism
💡Clarify
🔈 Summary of main ideas
- Cynicism makes us worse off - Cynicism is an empty shell. It tricks us with it's facade of intelligence, while in reality it is the other way around. If we assume everyone is evil or stupid, we can't sort the good from the bad, we can't trust others, and we give up on finding solutions to our problems because we lack belief in ourselves and others. It breeds negativity disguised as realism. Cynicism brings nothing but mistrust, stupidity, arrogance, and hopelessness.
- Skepticism is the personal answer for cynicism - Instead of being quick to judge others, we need to focus on the situation and the facts. Be skeptical, not cynical. Approach with caution, yet with good intentions.
- Expectations turn into actions - How we treat others affect how they behave. If we believe that everyone cares only about themselves and they will try to abuse our kindness, then that's how they will behave. We have to set better expectations to liberate others to act differently.
- Trust is the communal answer for cynicism - As a community, a way to remove cynicism is by cultivating trust. Similarly, inequality and commodification erode trust (and cultivate cynicism). Take a leap of faith and be the first to trust others, and you will likely be reciprocated.
- Trust is built through kindness - The way to build trust is through positive shared interactions. Helping one another, being there in times of need, social safety net and solidarity create strong social capital within the community, increasing it's resilience and wellbeing.
🗒️Relate
⛓ by following this method, what will happen? What is the goal of this book?
- We would become less cynical, believing in hope, reaching out to others and more trusting, and finding solutions that were once considered impossible
🔍Critique
✅ relevant research, metaphors or examples that helps to convey the argument
- Lake vs ocean village - In one type of village, it is "every man to himself", while in the other we have solidarity. Despite being very close and similar in demographics, one is much more successful and happy, while the other is stressful and brutal.
❌ the logical jumps, holes or simply cases where it is wrong...
🧱 Implementations and limitations of it are... Aside from "be more skeptic instead of cynic", while also saying "be more trusting and kind" (which can be a sort of contradiction), it is hard to find any deep and detailed insights
🗨️Review
💭 my opinions on the book, the writers style... This book has insights but they are few and far between. It is more of a eulogy for a good friend they've lost, one who spoke about hope and the goodness of people, and less of a research or a well thought-out book.
🖼️Outline
📒 Notes
Introduction
While we know (from research) that People are inherently good and that giving improves our well-being, we don't always feel this way.
In a harsh world, we fall into cynicism because we mistakenly feel this would protect us. Unfortunately, it erodes trust and hope in our society, which makes it a darker place.
Some unknown truths about cynicism:
- We become less intelligent - We think that it shows wit, that it's the opposite of naiveté, but it doesn't make us smarter. Cynics are worse at understanding people and cognitive tasks
- It pushes us away from others - We think that by being a cynic and pushing everyone away, we would be safer from emotional damage. Without Vulnerability we lose our ability to connect to others, similarly, if we take no risks, we will never succeed as well. Without trust and collaboration, we can only advance so far.
- It promotes helplessness - We think being optimistic means seeing the world in a distorted way, to avoid reality, while cynicism is "down to earth" and realistic. However, cynicism is closer to Pessimism than to realism. We focus on the negative, canceling any opportunity for change. We see the world as a dark place and us as powerless, so we do nothing, which only worsens the situation helplessness
Hope is wishful thinking, it's a proactive way of living. It is to see what could be better in the current situation and act towards it. Not ignoring the circumstances, but also not letting them stop you.
The answer to cynicism is Skepticism. Instead of questioning people, we question their facts.
- The message of our work is simple: There is good in us, and it does good for us. (Location 178)
- Cynicism does tune people in to what’s wrong, but it also forecloses on the possibility of anything better. (Location 261)
- cynicism convinces us that things will get worse no matter what we do. So, we do nothing, and they worsen. (Location 270)
- If optimism tells us things will get better, hope tells us they could. Optimism is idealistic; hope is practical. It gives people a glimpse of a better world and pushes them to fight for it. (Location 281)
- Cynicism often boils down to a lack of good evidence. Being less cynical, then, is simply a matter of noticing more precisely. (Location 320)
Unlearning Cynicism
Signs and Symptoms
cynicism has changed a lot since it's origins in diogenes. The ancient cynics believed that people are good and kind, and it's society and it's rules that keep our good behavior at bay, that we focus too much on rules and status that we forget the simple good that we can do by being honest, kind and generous, focusing on our shared humanity.
Today's cynics are very different, in general they believe that:
- Nobody cares about them
- People are only acting in a good manner because they're afraid to get caught
- In general people don't like helping others
It's the belief that people are selfish, greedy and dishonest.
This view is very costly. To trust no one means that we lose chances of cooperation, which is the bedrock of human prosperity. Humanity has advanced so far because it has cooperated, even if out of self-interest invisible hand, but the guiding principle was trust. Without it, it is each person to themselves, with the limited capabilities they have by being self sustained.
Additionally, mistrusting others leads to social isolation, which leads to depression
What's true for the individual is true for society at large. A community without trust has little to no solidarity, devoid of social capital, unable to withstand a crisis, little investment in public goods and many Free rider.
The first step for cultivating trust is to trust ourselves. To affirm our core values, to remember what brings meaning and joy to our lives. Perhaps being a parenting, having a meaningful work, what ever it is that connects us to ourselves, that manages to rise above our cynic view.
- suspicion costs people money. In life, it deprives us of a much more vital resource: each other. (Location 410)
- That might describe a cynical life: full of alienation and misery, and over too quickly. (Location 420)
- When communities lose trust, they grow unstable, like a Jenga tower with a bottom block knocked out. Crime, polarization, and disease rise. (Location 453)
- The person screaming loudest is often most fearful of being wrong. (Location 525)
- By connecting us to ourselves, affirmations calm cynicism. (Location 536)
- if we want to rebuild trust in our relationships and communities, we must also trust ourselves, listening to the voice that speaks to us when the rest of the world is silent. (Location 550)
The Surprising Wisdom of Hope
Cynicism has the appearance of "street smart", but it's actually the opposite. They lack mindsight, they are over confident and lack the ability to understand others. They preform worse at cognitive and social tasks.
So why are people still drawn to it? Perhaps it's the result of a Negative cycle. At some point in their lives, people got hurt, and turned from disappointed idealist into a cynic. They build walls to protect themselves from pain, which limits their ability to make friends and be close to people, which only leads to shallower relationships, which leads to further disappointment and higher walls.
How do we escape it? With secure attachment. It turns suspicion into curiosity, and cynicism into skepticism. We see the world with a scientific method mindset, we doubt evidence but not people, we try because we know we have a safe base to fall back to when we need support.
It's a slow healing process, but thinking like a scientist can heal us from being a cynic, and maybe we would pick up hope along the way
- social wisdom doesn’t mean believing in everyone or no one. It means believing in evidence—by thinking less like a lawyer and more like a scientist. (Location 593)
- Scratch a cynic and you’ll find a pre-disappointed idealist. Reeling from pain, they give up on curiosity to defend themselves. This is an understandable response to pain, but it also prevents cynics from turning strangers into friends, confidants, and soulmates. Cynics land in a negative feedback loop. (Location 693)
- By working on ourselves and through the grace of new relationships, insecure people can achieve “earned attachment”: a sense of safety and connection later in life. We can build trust and hope from the ground up. (Location 736)
- Cynicism can spread between people, but so can skepticism. Even in the face of deep disagreement, a person who shows openness can help others feel safe, which in turn opens their minds as well. (Location 751)
- Depression and anxiety blanket us in negative assumptions about ourselves. Cynicism does the same for our beliefs about one another. Both are rooted in pain, and both freeze us in place. But underneath that bad news is good news. Cultivating a more positive outlook doesn’t require anyone to force a smile, lie to themselves, or “fake it until they make it.” If you’re like most people, your starting point about other people is probably too negative. Thinking like a scientist, you might pick up some hope along the way. (Location 789)
Preexisting Conditions
Cynics are not born, they are made. We have to look at the social environment and how it breeds mistrust and cynicism. The main culprits are:
- Inequality - the less equal a society, the less trust there is. Interaction seems like a Zero sum game, where each is focused on himself because you are either a victim or a vulture, with nothing in between.
- Commodification - when we turn interpersonal behavior into a transaction, we exchange sentiments of reciprocity with personal interest commodification. We measure others based on what we get from them, not how we can help them. The worst contributor to that is social media
To build a society of trust:
- Don't keep score - be kind, it builds trust while also bringing happiness and reducing stress. When we focus on what we give, and not what we get, we actually get more in return The law of reverse effect. Quit social media and focus on deep, honest relationships
- Share time together - we distrust those who we don't know, or worse, learn to fear. The more we are exposed to others, especially our neighbors, the more we can trust them. They turn from strangers into friends.
- Cynics are not born, they’re made, and our society is minting them. (Location 833)
- Trust binds people into teams, towns, and countries, but inequality dissolves those ties. (Location 843)
- Stop counting: Market creep encourages us to count and compete through life, but the science of well-being is clear: To thrive, human beings need unquantifiable experiences, pursued for their own sake. (Location 1005)
- people become happier and less stressed on days they help friends, if they are moved to do so by compassion. (Location 1011)
Hell Isn't other People
Our desire to filter our free riders and cheaters from our society is a strong and deep defense mechanism meant to enable a society where cooperation is possible with people taking advantage of it (which would lead to the collapse of the cooperation and society as a whole).
We do it through gossiping and tuning to news about immoral behavior. Nowadays, the media companies have used this tendency to generate views, presenting bad news as much more frequently than they truly are, causing an availability bias which makes us thing that people are worse than they actually are.
We are hungry for positive news. We just need to tune ourselves to them. Instead of focusing on problems, on what's wrong with the world, we can be more solution-oriented. To see examples of initiatives and people who try to do something good, what went well, and how we can do and be better ourselves.
- when we’re threatened or stressed, people’s worst sides grab our attention and raise our defenses. But when we slow down and feel safe, curiosity rises, and asset-framing comes naturally. (Location 1236)
Escaping the Cynicism Trap
When we see people as free riders, it's not surprising that they start to act that way. expectations have a Self fulfilling prophecy kind of effect on people. They react and adjust to our expectations. Therefore, it's not that people try to abuse the system, but more often a form of reactance towards an abusive system.
However, this effect works both ways. If we treat others with kindness, they are more likely to reciprocate kindness back to us. We can enter a positive feedback loop, where an act of trust breeds more trust. It doesn't mean to ignore cares of cheating, but to be aware that our behavior and expectations shape how others behave as well interpersonal identity.
Trust is not easy, it requires a Leap Into Faith to get the first step started, but we can start small
- People don’t always find a way to abuse systems. They fight back when systems and people abuse them. (Location 1372)
- trust isn’t gullibility. It’s a form of power, one that builds connections, creates new opportunities, and changes people for the better. (Location 1427)
- Trust doesn’t just teach us about people; it changes them. It’s a gift they repay. (Location 1501)
- Trust is powerful, but also frightening, especially for those of us who have been burned before. But leaps of faith come in all sizes. We can start small, (Location 1509)
Rediscovering Ourselves
The Social Water is just Fine
loneliness is a terrible curse, it eats us from the inside, manifesting in mental and physical illnesses. What's worse, when we feel isolated, we tend to see others in a more negative light. As if we are more social/kinder than the average person.
We drastically misjudge others and ourselves. We avoid talking with strangers, although in retrospect we enjoy it. Our fear of rejection pushes us towards isolation. pushes us towards isolation. However, the only way to truly care for ourselves is by caring for others. Giving, and gratitude alleviate our suffering and bring us as much joy as it is to others happiness is shared. By opening ourselves out to the world, by conversing, giving and caring for others, we don't just reduce our cynicism, we become better, happier people.
- the only factor that decreased cynicism was compassion toward others, not self-care. Helping others is a gift to ourselves. (Location 1648)
Building Cultures of Trust
The organizational culture also has a great effect on whether employees would become cynics our not. Places that treat workers as econs, as people motivated only by greed and zero sum competitions where workers fight for ranking and status instead of cooperating, shouldn't be surprised when their employees start to act that way, resulting in low cooperation, low trust, low productivity, and creating huge costs for the company. What's true for organizations is true for schools and education in general. They way we see our kids is how they will act. If we treat them as the problem, instead of a partner vs a shared problem, we miss chances of finding win win situations, and they might just voice their opinions by leaving.
The Fault in Our Fault Lines
The less interaction we have between different parties, the more we fear one another, and the more misguided we are about their true beliefs. We imagine the other as the devil, despite being much similar to us than we think. Negativity bias causes us to picture the other as the enemy.
Interaction causes us to less dehumanize them, to see their complexity, that they are human too who probably wish to do good according to their worldview, rather than cause harm. We need to ask more questions, be more open minded, to acknowledge shared beliefs.
- Some of our cultural fault lines are based on misunderstanding, and hopeful skepticism can be a powerful tool in mending them. Sunlight—in the form of clear, simple data—reveals something that looks a lot like possibility. (Location 2248)
The Future of Hope
Building the World We want
One of the ways we let cynicism crumble our society is the way we treat the weak, specifically the poor. We treat them as parasites, as people who try to take advantage of us, instead of people who need our help. By making them better off, we would all be better off. We need to reduce red tape, increase support and trust towards them.
The Optimism of Activism
Cynicism leads us to Status-quo bias. We lack the belief that we can change, so we don't. While we are upset about many things, we do nothing to change them. Knowing the truth, trusting others, is the way to form a movement for social change.
Hope, just as cynicism, is also contagious, and one person can spark the flame that will inspire many more.
- Efficacy without anger can leave us complacent. Anger without efficacy leaves us paralyzed and cynical. Neither inspires much action. But together, they form an emotional alloy of social change, (Location 2651)
Our Common Fate
Helplessness is a luxury we can't afford. It causes us to stop looking for solutions that could get us out of depressing situations. There is a reason for hope, people who care, and want to change the world for the better exist out there, we need to tune ourselves to hear them, which means to push out cynicism.
- Hopelessness can stop us from seeking the solutions we desperately need. (Location 2966)