We all compare ourselves, but this often leads to inadequacy or burnout. How can we refocus this natural tendency to achieve genuine progress?
So, We All Compare Ourselves. Now What?
"The grass is always greener on the other side"
Social media platforms like LinkedIn and Facebook can often be depressing. We're constantly bombarded with other people's successes, which can make us feel ashamed for falling behind or not being as "perfect" as they appear to be.
It's hard to avoid comparing ourselves to others, it's a natural human instinct. As social creatures, we make comparisons to get a better sense of where we stand.
However, not all comparisons are helpful. Most of the time, we're just setting ourselves up for unhappiness and failure. This means the real question isn't if we compare, but who or what we’re comparing ourselves to.
The Two Traps We Fall Into
The first trap is comparing ourselves to others while only seeing a part of their story.
- What we see: Their wins, which are often exaggerated or distorted.
- What we don't see: Their struggles, unique circumstances, or the role of sheer luck.
This creates a false image of overnight success or raw talent, neither of which is the full story.
While there will always be someone better, faster, or smarter, that doesn't change anything about your personal journey.
We might secretly wish to be like them, but we can never become them. This isn't because we're less capable, but simply because we are different people. I can call myself "Steve Jobs" and wear black turtlenecks, but that won't make me a genius - it will only make me a cheap copy.
Copying others goes against the idea of fulfilling your unique potential, which was one of Nietzsche's greatest passions. His powerful and poetic writing captures this idea beautifully: "At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth, and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvellously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time."
Even though we know this, we still try to imitate the greats hoping they've found a shortcut to success. But what truly successful people will tell you is that there are no shortcuts. What worked for one person might not work for you. Our different circumstances, worldviews, and skills mean we all need our own unique strategies to achieve our goals.
The second trap is comparing ourselves to an impossible, internal standard.
This one feels different because we're no longer looking at others, but it's just as harmful. We create a "perfect" version of ourselves - a bar so high that we can never actually reach it.
We set unreasonable goals and then blame ourselves when we fall short. We punish, criticize, and despise ourselves for not being "the best." Like a harsh critic, we push ourselves until we inevitably fail, leading to a cycle of defeat, burnout, and giving up.
Perfection is a rose with many thorns, it looks beautiful but is painful to grasp.
The Only Comparison That Actually Helps
Forget everyone else, and forget perfection. The only healthy benchmark is you from yesterday.
The goal is to see a positive trend over time. It's okay to have off days or even take a step back. Our journey isn't a straight line, it's filled with euphoric moments of success and plenty of failures. What truly matters is the bigger picture.
As Aristotle said, "For one swallow does not make a summer, nor does one day, and so too one day... does not make a man blessed and happy." He was suggesting that a flourishing life (Eudaimonia) is the result of consistent effort over the long run, not just a single win or loss.
Over time, the aim should be to improve our skills, our character, and our situation in life. If you can honestly say that you've grown compared to who you were a year ago, then no other comparison is necessary.
Instead of only focusing on the journey ahead, remember to look back and appreciate how far you've come.
Confidence, Meet Compassion
Looking back at your "yesterday self" offers undeniable proof of your progress. This gives you the energy to keep moving forward with confidence, free from the unhealthy pressure of chasing impossible goals.
This form of self-comparison is also compassionate. It helps you recognize that the overall trend of your growth matters more than the magnitude of any single achievement.
This is the sweet spot where motivation and harmony coexist - where you are both driven and humble. You can strive forward with passion and self-compassion, which is the key to avoiding burnout.
Ask Yourself
- Looking back at last week or last month, what's one small step I took that I'm proud of?
- When I find myself comparing to someone else, how can I gently shift my focus back to my own path?
- If I feel like I've slipped backward, can I remind myself to look at the overall trend instead of just this one moment?