Is life just about accepting the tough times, or is there more to it? Many of us feel helpless in a world filled with challenges, but what if the line between control and helplessness is more flexible than we think? How can a simple mindset shift change our reality and help us reclaim our narrative?

Where the limit lies

I've been hearing "that's life" a lot lately, and it's never in a positive context.

True, we've had a few tough years recently, but I believe this feeling comes from a deeper place.

We often dismiss negative experiences as bad luck and move on, beliving there's no point in trying. How can we hope to succeed when we feel so insignificant, just one person in a vaxst world, like a swimmer at the mercy of the sea's waves?

There's no denying that some things are beyond our control. Most of us aren't world leaders who can prevent wars or eradicate poverty. We don't choose our genetic makeup, and we can't control other people.

These are the "obvious" limits to our sphere of control, but do we truly know where the boundaries lie? Is it possible to influence policy as an ordinary citizen? Can we reduce the risk of illness? Can we communicate and collaborate with others?

The line between control and helplessness is much grayer than we think, and it's also more flexible. The boundary itself can be influenced by our actions and, like muscles, can stretch with practice.

The Power of Prophecies

A few decades ago, running a mile in under four minutes was deemed impossible until Roger Bannister achieved it in May 1954. Suddenly, a goal that had been unreachable for over a decade was accomplished by many runners in the following months and by thousands since.

What changed? It wasn't their muscles that magically improved, but their mindset. A "truth" about the world was shattered and replaced with "if he can do it, why can't I?"

Roger took a leap (or a sprint) of faith, believing that what seemed just beyond reach was possible. He would have failed if he thought running a mile in one minute was achievable, but the elusive four-minute mile was just at the edge of his control, and he made a small but meaningful mindset shift to push the boundary a bit further.

There's a delicate balance between belief and reality. Belief doesn't create reality out of thin air. I can wish every day to wake up with a million dollars under my pillow, but no success so far (I'll keep you updated on that). However, belief isn't entirely detached from reality. As we saw with Roger, changing our perception can lead to a different, better reality.

The ancient stoics really took this to heart, saying "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." They believed wholeheartedly that our judgment is the strongest feature we have, for better or worse (usually worse), and they have the credentials to back up this claim, preserving their calm and collected behavior through wars, famines and political turmoil.

It's up to you to find this balance in your life, to accept reality "as it is" while believing that things can improve through your actions. The boundary of your control (or where you perceive it to be) might shift like the ebb and flow of waves, but it will expand over time. William James captured it beautifully - "Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."

Taking Control of Your Narrative

I call this perspective "proactive optimism" because it separates itself from the passivity that both "mainstream" optimism and pessimism offer. Although they seem opposite, both stem from the belief that "this is the world, and we must accept it as it is." The optimist believes that simply waiting will make things better, while the pessimist thinks nothing we do will improve the situation.

This is where the "proactive" part comes in. We reclaim control over our lives as much as possible. We don't live in denial, thinking we can achieve anything or that nothing is impossible, but we also don't believe there's nothing we can do about our situation. We live in the gray middle, aiming high but adjusting our expectations based on where we land.

Don't let life or others dictate who you are - it's your decision to make. Even failures, while they teach important lessons, aren't signs to give up but to adapt accordingly. Nietzsche's great and often misunderstood idea of the "will to power" comes into play here, as it is our moral duty to be what we are meant to be, to not become our worst enemy and stop ourselves before we even started.

Our default is to believe we can do it, yet we accept that some things are beyond our control.

Strength lies not in denying our limits but in daring to test where they truly begin.