Is free will about giving in, or taking control?
Whether you surrender to every impulse or let just one side of you take over, you're not truly free. Real free will is an internal agreement, a collaboration between all parts of yourself. It takes compromise, creativity, and the courage to listen to your whole self.

What is Free Will Anyway?

We often think that having free will, if it even exists, is synonymous with having Self-control—the ability for our will to overcome resistance so we can act according to our true desires. There’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s start.

The first and most significant issue is the term "self-control." Who, exactly, is the one in control, and who is being controlled? It’s as if we’re on one side of a conflict, locked in an endless battle against a mysterious foe that resides within us.

In reality, we are actually on both sides of the conflict simultaneously. When we seek self-control, we are essentially fighting against ourselves. And if you fight yourself, no matter who wins, you always lose.

In this post, I suggest that free will is not about control, and certainly not about subduing or overpowering parts of ourselves. Rather than a "simple" binary state of conflict, I propose a more nuanced definition that might sound counterintuitive at first—but hear me out.

To have free will means to set limitations on yourself, by yourself, through a process of internal deliberation and harmony. I know that sounds complex, so let’s break it down.

The Illusion of Unbridled Freedom

Let's take a closer look at our internal state of conflict. If we imagine "us" battling against some part of ourselves, what exactly is that part? Typically, we see these things as our internal desires, the primal urges, or our default behaviors. What would happen if we allowed that side to act as it pleases?

For many of us, this is the default way of life—or at least where a significant portion of our attention and time is devoted. We feel these urges deep within, like a volcano on the verge of eruption, with an inner voice growing louder and louder until we finally respond. These desires often manifest in the form of things that bring immediate pleasure, such as food, entertainment, or sex. Even our social needs find instant gratification through scrolling social media, where we experience and explore other people's lives (or at least their perceived image of them).

In essence, when left to "our own devices," we surrender our free will to basic chemistry and biology. Our minds, which are attuned to seek gratification, find endless opportunities in the modern world.

This isn't accidental, of course. The economy of recent centuries has evolved to provide quicker and more satisfying answers to these fundamental desires, with fast food, pocket-sized entertainment, and an unlimited supply of "stuff" we can own.

Ignoring the conflict between our desires and our will doesn't leave us in a neutral state. The world around us is shaped to influence us on the deepest and most powerful levels possible, meaning that even inaction is a decision of sorts.

By mindlessly following our desires, we end up pitting ourselves against the collective efforts of an entire economy—one that is expertly designed to capture and hold our attention. In such a battle, it's easy to predict who the winner will be.

The Tyranny of Partial Self-Control

If our internal urges can be so harmful, then we must control them... right? After all, by relinquishing our desire for control, it seems we won't be guided toward our own happiness, but rather end up satisfying a biological urge or someone else's economic ambitions.

So, we might think we have no choice but to take control. But as we mentioned earlier, who exactly are we fighting? Are humans simply a mix of desires, some "good" and some "bad," that we must eliminate?

At best, this approach denies our humanity as biological beings, suggesting we are nothing more than noble aspirations. At worst—and more realistically—we end up declaring war on ourselves, believing we need to conquer, subdue, and eradicate any parts we consider harmful.

Fighting against ourselves is a path to self-destruction, almost by definition. It involves wasting mental energy, focus, and time resisting something intrinsic to us, overlooking its potential benefits, and reducing the complexity of our humanity.

For instance, without the part of our brain that drives us to seek pleasure, we would become completely apathetic, lacking motivation to do anything, whether "good" or "bad." Without so-called "negative" emotions like anger or frustration, what would compel us to seek justice or strive for improvement? By labeling ourselves "weak," "lazy," or "fragile," do we genuinely stand a chance of becoming better, or are we just sinking deeper into despair?

It's like trying to "will yourself" into not needing sleep. After all, sleep takes up so many hours of the day that could be spent being more productive or having more experiences. But as we know, when we sleep less, we tend to be less productive.

When we treat ourselves as potential enemies who can't be trusted, how can we ever achieve inner peace? It seems that in our attempt to exercise free will, we may only end up with the opposite result.

Free Will as Harmonious Coexistence

What are we supposed to do if we can't simply let our inner urges run wild or try to control them? The answer—difficult as it is and counterintuitive as it may sound—is to reach an agreement. An agreement on which limitations we should impose on ourselves. These self-imposed limitations are the true symbol of free will.

There is beauty and Truth in all of our aspects, like organs working together to form a body, each with its own role. If one side forces another into submission, you don't achieve free will—you create dysfunction, like cancer. Free will is an act that arises from your entire being, which is a combination of all those different voices.

However, those voices don't always need equal say. Deliberation isn't necessarily a purely democratic process—at least not in the simple political sense where one person equals one vote. But in another sense, it is the most democratic thing there is, because it requires understanding across all perspectives and consensus on what the best course of action is. There is no "one truth" that grants any single side eternal authority; instead, roles can rotate depending on the Context.

Initially, compromises will likely be necessary. It's not easy to change or reach an agreement when we are accustomed to a particular pattern. However, in the long run, we may achieve an optimal point where all those voices align in the same direction. This will require effort and time to develop the necessary virtues to create a synthesis of yourself.

That synthesis will not only be the true reflection of who you are—your authenticity—but it will also represent the only true act of free will you can have.

The first step, as always, is to develop Self-awareness. This means really listening to our inner voices while also understanding that, like people, those voices can always change and grow. More on that in another post, but a useful tool could be journaling, to record your thoughts, feelings, and emotions for the present and as a reflective tool.

I don't want to provide too many examples, as it might diminish the gravity of the topic, but here are a couple of actions that can result from such an agreement—a form of self-limitation. For example, Temptation Bundling is a powerful tool that combines both our desire for pleasure and our will to do what's right or necessary. Similarly, viewing failure as an opportunity to improve can help us convert frustration into motivation, thus honoring both our emotions and our growth process.

Conclusion

Whether you don't assume any control over your actions or you believe that free will means letting the rational side dominate, in both cases, you end up becoming a slave—to yourself. Either you give in to temptations without limitations, or you listen only to one part of yourself. Free will is about simultaneously freeing and limiting yourself because a true will is the combination of all the sides within you that must come to an agreement. That agreement requires compromise, creativity, and adaptations to accommodate all the different perspectives within you.

Let me know what you think about free will, self control and every thing in between, and until then - Embrace, enrich and evolve

Further Reading

Ethics of ambiguity (book)