What if your inner conflicts are the key to discovering your true "selves"? As we navigate choices shaped by time, relationships, and environment, how do we reconcile our many identities? From conflict to harmony - this journey would be difficult, but it's ours to make.

What do we have in common with Aladdin and Hamilton? We all see ourselves as a "diamond in the rough."

We believe that beneath our rough edges and unresolved issues lies our "true self." Everything that stands in our way of becoming that self is merely impulses or random thoughts, which can be distractions at best or even enemies to suppress, like the craving for sugar when we want to eat healthily. These are our "inner demons" or "animalistic nature," but they are certainly not part of us.

Avoiding these urges is not simple, but it pales in comparison to the meaningful yet paralyzing moments in life when we must decide who we want to be. Which job should I pursue? Where do I want to live? What do I want to do with my life? Each choice feels both right and wrong simultaneously, as we are filled with conflicting voices that seem like a part of "us."

As agonizing as it sounds, I believe these internal conflicts are a feature, not a bug, of being human. Having multiple voices within us makes more sense when we realize we contain multiple identities, each with its own unique quirks and persona (this is only a metaphor, setting schizophrenia aside). "We are condemned to be free," said Sartre. The choice of who we are at any given moment is difficult, yet it is ours to make; no one else can make it for us. This is the price of having a rich (and free) identity.

Making choices would be much easier if we had only one value or identity to live by. However, it would also make life shallow and unbalanced. Consider people who dedicate themselves entirely to a single cause - workaholics and extreme altruists alike quickly experience burnout as they realize the cost of what they have sacrificed, such as relationships, creative pursuits, and leisure.

But where does our multiplicity come from? We can identify three major sources:

1. Time
2. People
3. Environment

Let's start with time. Although we change over time, we do not completely detach ourselves from our past. Like covering a wall with fresh paint, the old layer still lies beneath. We may still be affected by baggage, past traumas, and scars that continue to hurt. We might find ourselves boxed into a path chosen by our past selves, such as a degree or a marriage. The choice was made long ago, but it still influences the present.

Our future self is equally alive in the present moment. By imagining who we want to become, it is as if we bring them to life just by thinking about them - a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.

We also act differently depending on who we are with. The "work self" is very different from the "with friends self" (shoutout to all the Severance fans). It’s not just that we act differently; we are different. We perceive the world through different lenses, altering our thoughts, priorities, and behavior. Each person sees different fragments of us, which together form a complex mosaic.

Pause and ask yourself how much of who you are today results from your relationships with others. Whether you have copied their behavior, been shaped by shared experiences, or developed traits to counteract harmful attitudes, we are who we are because of the people we associate with. William James said, "We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep."

Aside from astronauts, most of us do not exist in a vacuum. Our environment is as much a part of ourselves as the soil is to a plant. Our surroundings shape us, sending cues that translate into actions, thoughts, and feelings. For example, taking a walk calms us, while a dark, confined space might make us feel tired or fearful. So, which one is our "true self"? Is it the one who thrives outdoors or the one who feels scared?

From our genes to social groups to space-time itself, we are a vast multitude of beings - a beehive of identities working together for a common(-ish) cause. Once we accept that, we can find greater peace with who we are.

Knowing this is only half the battle. Recognizing the different voices as competing identities is helpful, but how do we get them to agree, or at least quiet down?

The first step is to shift from a "one voice above all" mentality, where terms like "self-control" and "grit" dominate the conversation, to a more "democratic" and deliberative approach.

Start listening to those voices. It might help to give them personas; for me, it works best if these personas are fictional. This way, they can represent a single, pure idea without the complexities of using an existing person for your inner dialogue.

Together, I consider what they would have done, what my future self would do, or what my past self would have wanted in that situation. Which of my core values should I prioritize if they don't overlap?

Sometimes, the big decisions in life are too much for one person to handle. Using the perspectives of all our inner voices can provide more information to work with when making a choice. Perhaps our procrastination is not a vice to overcome but rather a sign that we are doing something we dislike. "(He) who looks inside, awakes," said Carl Jung. Through self-reflection, we gain much more than information; we bring harmony to who we are.

Trusting your past self, who made the right decision at the time, or allowing your future self to guide you can help you navigate life more calmly, even amid rough storms, knowing exactly where you want to go and that you don't have to go there alone.